Tag: Personal Development

Fortitude

#1 Obstacle to Achieving Your Goal – YOU

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Lombardi commitment1

Today I encourage your to take a hard look at personal commitment to your goals. On a scale of 1 to 10 how committed are you to achieving ‘X’?

If you answered of 7 or less, it’s time to re-evaluate your goal (‘X’). Realize that whatever ‘X’ is most likely isn’t going to get done with a C- commitment level.
You are either committed to something or you’re not. A 70% commitment is like no commitment at all. Think about your goal and the real reasons you want it. WHY do you want to achieve ‘X’? Connect with this question on an emotional level. Act like… a 2 yr old when you answer WHY, and ask it again and again until you get to the REAL reason you want to achieve ‘X’.

Example: “I want to lose 30 lbs. Why? So I can look better for my class reunion. Why? Because I don’t want people to see that I ‘let myself go’. Why? Because I’m embarrassed/ ashamed about the way I look and feel. Why? Because my mom/ dad was overweight and the diabetes and heart disease from it eventually killed her/ him. I have seen first hand what unhealthy living can do to a person. I want to live a long, healthy life and be around for my grandkids.”

See how “lose 30 lbs” became “being around for my grandkids”? That’s the kind of process that gets you from 70% commitment to 100% fully committed to your goal. Your goal doesn’t have to be weight loss or health related at all. It might be to get out of debt, to change careers, or whatever it is that’s important to you. ‪#‎allin‬ ‪#‎go4it‬‪#‎onlythingstoppingyouisyou‬

Fortitude

Fairness is a Matter of Perspective

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bitter or better1

Bitter or Better? A natural reaction to life’s negative circumstances is to say that it’s not fair. Bad things happen to good people…to us. We wonder why. We look for people to blame. We might even get mad at God.

Part of Sunday’s message at church was about the fairness of God. As a Jesus follower, I believe that God is ALWAYS good, and that His plans are WAY better than mine, even if I don’t see it in the midst of difficulty. He is not fair, nor does he have to be… – he’s God. In fact, He is infinitely more patient, gracious, and merciful than anyone.

Truthfully, it’s not fair that God had to sacrifice his only son Jesus on the cross in order to make provision for sinners like you and me to have eternity in heaven with God, but he did. All we have to do is believe it. That’s not fair, but it’s the kind of unfairness I’m grateful for. Fairness is a matter of perspective. Do we ever complain when unfairness is to our advantage?

Whether you believe in Jesus like I do or not, you still have a choice to make about life’s circumstances. The truth is that you alone CHOOSE whether the hard times make you a bitter person or a better one. ‪#‎truth‬ ‪#‎bebetternotbitter‬ ‪#‎lifeisnotfair‬ ‪#‎dealwithit‬

Fortitude

Interview Yourself

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describe yourself1

On your personal journey to becoming your best self, one important activity to consider is the dreaded self assessment. This exercise takes the idea of “apply within” to a whole new level. Fret ye not; it’s not as bad as it sounds. Start by asking a simple question.

How would you describe yourself? Here’s an opportunity for a little personal reflection. Take a few minutes and WRITE DOWN your answers. If you are like me, the description is probably really nice, with some honest yucky stuff in it too. Now here’s the hard part. Ask someone close to you to describe you honestly. Be sure to tell them this is a ‘judgment free’ exercise and they are free to be honest and you promise not to be upset with the responses.

Remember, this exercise is designed to reveal the gaps between how you see yourself and how others see you and ultimately help you to be your best self. There are lots of ways to use the intel you gather, but lets keep it simple and positive.

1. For the descriptions provided by your friend, look carefully at the ones you did NOT identify yourself. Contemplate how you can further cultivate this descriptor, or mitigate it by some behavior change. Remember, this is how others see you. Whether you agree with their assessment or not, “perception is reality” and you’d prefer people to see you as you see you.

2. Celebrate the descriptors you matched with the ones provided by your friend. You know yourself pretty well. Even if some negative descriptors matched, at least you know what to work on.

3. Check in periodically with your friend and ask how you are doing with whatever trait you are interested in. This routine check up will go a long way to helping you be your best.

Need some help to get started? I found Tom Rath’s “Strengths Finder 2.0” to be especially helpful in learning who I am and what I’m good at. Another resource to try is 360Reach, which takes a fun twist on peer assessment with questions like, “What kind of cereal describes (you) and why?”

Fortitude

Stop Drinking Poison

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unforgiveness1

Forgiveness can be scary and difficult to deal with, yet I think it’s really important in helping us to be our very best. There are two sides to forgiveness; forgiving others and forgiving yourself. You might think I’ve forgotten about others forgiving you, but I didn’t.
While it is appropriate to be sincerely sorry for hurting someone, and appropriate to ask for forgiveness, we technically can’t control whether or not the other person will actually forgive us. We need to focus on what we can control, and that is our actions.

Forgiving others – The saying goes, “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” If you think about it, this is perfectly true. Holding a grudge and being bitter or angry with someone who hurt you only hurts you more. The other person likely doesn’t even know you are mad at them. Even if they do know (and don’t care), why would you give that person the power to make you miserable while clinging to unforgiveness? Today’s challenge is to CHOOSE to forgive whomever it is that has you bitter, angry, hurt, etc. and embrace the FREEDOM of letting go of the pain. I’m not saying to forget it; memories are memories, the past is the past, what is done is done. I’m just saying to end the madness that bitterness and anger create in your head by choosing to forgive.

Forgiving yourself – Sometimes this is ever harder than forgiving someone else. I think it is for me. I’m pretty good at beating myself up over my past mistakes. Honestly, some mistakes still try to haunt me today. I have to choose the advice above to keep me from getting down. My past mistakes are part of what has shaped me to be who I am and where I am today. Hopefully I continue to learn from my mistakes and slowly but surely become better than I was yesterday. I don’t know about you, but I’m choosing to put the poison away.

If you feel like you have made too many mistakes to forgive yourself, I invite you to meet my friend Jesus. He is waiting to carry your burdens and help you find freedom from the past in his love, grace, and mercy. I would love to introduce you to Jesus if that sounds interesting to you.

Fortitude

Reduce Stress with Values Based Decision Making

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Decision 1

What are your values? Values are NOT ethics or morals. Values are what is important to us, what we ‘value’, and what gives us PURPOSE. Most people have approximately 5-7 core values that identify who they are at their core. Each person’s values are unique to that person. Values reflect who we are on a daily basis, in everything we do at home and at work. When we align with our values on a daily basis, we have more energy and feel more fulfilled because we are leading from what’s important to us. When we don’t align with our values, we feel less authentic and become demotivated about our daily lives. So who are you at your core?
Think about what is important to you and write it down. It might be helpful to recall a great experience, or day, or time in life when you were on top of the world. What were you doing? How did you feel? Take detailed notes of this time and look for key words that describe what is important to you. Remember: Don’t pick values you think you should have. There are no right or wrong answers. You are trying to discover the values you know to be yours.
Why is this important? I’m glad you asked. Making decisions is simplified when you are living out your core values. When you know what is important to you, you know longer have to wrestle with the choice in front of you. You already know what to do; you simply decide in alignment with your core values. If you don’t choose according to your values, you will be miserable. We have all done this and it hurts.
I think most of the stress in our life would be eliminated if we would simply choose in alignment with our values. The problem is that we don’t consciously think about what our values are on a daily basis.
So if you want to reduce stress in your life, live your best life, and be your best self then do this exercise.
1. Think about what is important to you, what you value, who you are at your core and WRITE IT DOWN. Choose words or phrases that help you identify your values so you can easily remember them.
2. Review your values often. Tattoo them in your mind. You may need to refer to your list for a while until it really sinks in. Post them in places you can see them often. Talk about them with those close to you.
3. When faced with a decision, choose in alignment with your values and experience the freedom and confidence of knowing you have chosen well!

If you want more help to figure out your values, or how to tie your values to your purpose, or to answer questions like, “What on earth am I here for?” I strongly recommend Rick Warren’s book “The Purpose Driven Life”.

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