Mental Fitness Thought of the Day
Busy actually means 4 things that we don’t like to hear but they are true.
Busy actually means 4 things that we don’t like to hear but they are true.

What is your mission? Your life purpose? Or what are you supposed to do now, today, in this present season of your life? These are important questions to answer. To not answer them clearly is to become the passive receiver of whatever comes your way.
Don’t get me wrong, I understand the idea that you need to be flexible and open to what God would have for you. But let’s seize the day because we know that when we live in alignment with our purpose, we find fulfillment and satisfaction in life. Right?
I took a class at church to “discover my calling” and it was eye opening to say the least. I believe that God has made me (and everyone) with specific gifts, talents, preferences, skills, and desires to do something special – what only we can do, for his purposes and glory AND for our fulfillment and joy. I learned that some of what I already do aligns with the purpose I believe God has given me for this season of life, and that he wants me to be more intentional and purposeful about spending my time, energy, and resources to work on my mission. It’s quite liberating to know I’m on the right track.
I want to share with you my mission for a few reasons. One is that it’s healthy for me to be vulnerable in sharing something private and personal. Second is for accountability because in my sharing, I’m making myself accountable to actually live my mission. Third is so you will know what I’m up to and why so you might be encouraged help me in my mission and even join me in it. I sure can’t fulfill the mission I believe God has called me to all by myself. We are better together. Amen?
My mission statement is simple and easy for me to remember. This is a key concept in creating a mission statement, by the way.
Coaching mental, spiritual, and physical conquerors.
That’s it. But what does it mean? I’ll explain each word, so you will know and I will be reminded.
Coaching: I always think of the whistle blowing, forehead veins popping, yelling, short shorts and tall socks wearing kind of guy from my youth when I think of a coach. So it’s hard for me to embrace the term from that regard, because that’s not at all who I aim to be.
I prefer the ideas of training, mentoring and encouraging, which are all part of what coaching should be. That’s who I aim to be. A resource to help train others in all aspects of healthy living through a mentoring type relationship that is encouraging. There’s tough love involved sometimes, but hopefully speaking truth in love with the other’s best interest in mind first. I see coaching as very much a partnership because as I invest in others to help them be better, I get better as well. Everyone wins.
Mental: If you’ve seen my video content, you know how I say every time, “healthy living starts between your ears.” Because it’s true. We must have our mind right first if we are to succeed in any endeavor. Mental fitness is hard for lots of reasons, but they are all rooted in the simple fact that our minds are naturally wired for survival, which means our thoughts naturally traffic in the negative and how to exert the least possible amount of energy. Our minds require constant training to overcome the natural wiring. So I spend lots of effort on training mental fitness through awareness of how our mind works, like developing healthy habits and routines, and understanding the messiness of the journey we are all on. When we conquer our mind, we can achieve our goals and live a healthy lifestyle as our default programming.
Spiritual: Our spiritual fitness is at the center of our being and the reason I list it between mental and physical in my mission statement. Having our mind right is very important to our healthy living journey, but our spiritual fitness is the most important. We are spiritual beings, which makes us unique and separate from the rest of creation. God has made each of us in his own image with a soul that lives forever. This truth should shape the source of our identity. The health and condition of our soul absolutely affects our short life here on earth, but more importantly our eternal destiny.
Anything we do to improve our mental or physical health is for our physical life now and will not last beyond our appointed time to die. Further, we know that even a healthy mind and body is still not enough to be and do all that our Creator has made us for. We need a healthy soul that is connected to Jesus- our Lord, Savior, Helper, Protector, and Friend who fills us with the supernatural power of the Holy Spirit to help us make sense of the world we live in. Jesus gives us the inner strength to endure hardship, grace and patience to love well, joy and purpose to live a fulfilling life, and hope for a glorious eternity with Him and all those who have called upon the name of Jesus to be saved. My mission is to help people find Jesus and grow to love him and serve him while I do the same.
Physical: Everybody wants to be physically fit. Not necessarily the kind of fit that flexes muscles on a stage with 0% body fat, or runs a 4 minute mile, but the kind of fit that allows you to do the things you want to do now and in the future. I’m talking about functional fitness: Strength, flexibility, and mobility to battle against our aging bodies and extend the years of the active lifestyle we can enjoy into our golden years. I’m also talking about those like me who have ambitions to do active things you never did when you were younger like running marathons, completing a long triathlon, hiking in the mountains, pushing heavier weights than you did as a teen, or fitting into the clothes you used to. I’m talking about learning to eat real foods that taste good and make you feel great in a plan without complicated restrictions, calculations, hunger, and chalky tasting supplements.
I’ve found that when someone gets the hard part of their physical fitness under control, it positively affects all other areas of life. Problems seem easier to endure and overcome because the discipline and fortitude to do hard things is already programmed into one’s lifestyle. Results experienced in physical health compel many people to continue working on other key parts of their life like relationships, career, and spiritual life. Healthy people very often have a positive outlook which contributes to making them better employees, spouses, and friends than their unhealthy peers.
Conquerors: This is one of my favorite words, and not just because there is a Q right in the middle of it. A conqueror is someone who overcomes obstacles. The type of person that has a little “intestinal fortitude” or grit to do what is good and right, even when it’s really hard. A conqueror knows the battles are long and messy, but they do not give up. A conqueror is on a journey of continuous improvement that lasts a lifetime because they can always be better than yesterday. A conqueror understands that getting their hands dirty is necessary, and that often means sacrificing self, serving others first, and behaving with humility, love, and grace. A conqueror is always advancing forward. They only look back to remember how far they’ve come rather than wallow in regret or self-pity for past mistakes and trials. A conqueror knows he can’t conquer anything on his own, so he submits himself to God his creator and Lord, trusting that by doing so he will experience the fulfilling and abundant life he was made for. Additionally, a conqueror knows he needs other people in his circle of trust to help him. As he is helped, he can then help others. This is how a conqueror leads.
I want to be a conqueror of my mind, spirit, and body making each my slave and accepting complete responsibility and control over me all the time. I am not a victim of my past mistakes or present circumstances. I can always choose my response to trials, stresses, life circumstances, what I put in my mouth, what I see and listen to, and whom I serve. Having the mindset of a conqueror is what I aim to teach, share, and encourage to help others overcome the obstacles to their mental, spiritual, and physical fitness. Advocating healthy living in this way sharpens me as I make myself accountable to those I serve.
So there you have it. This is my mission. My purpose for sharing this with you is for my own accountability and for clarity to those like you who read my articles, watch my videos, and engage with me for personal coaching. Now you know what I’m about, so please don’t hesitate to reach out to me if I can be of any help to you.
Now get to work on your mission. I’d love to hear about it. Press on!

There is risk in sharing private thoughts and struggles. But I’m learning that at this stage of my life, I have opportunity to help others avoid some of the trouble I’ve experienced. But I can’t encourage anyone through their struggles if I don’t make myself vulnerable and share some of the stuff I’ve endured (or am enduring). So I’m sharing a private journal entry from the summer of 2018 that I find still relevant today. I hope it encourages you as it does me. Press on friends!
Lord Jesus I know you are with me. Your Spirit lives in me. I am the home of your Spirit. My body is your dwelling place – your temple. And what is the condition of this temple? At the very least it is under construction. There is drastic renovation going on and it is messy and slow. In fact, most would probably have fired the contractor for how slow and messy the work is going. Like an old house, I am finding the further I get into the work, the more stuff I find that needs fixed, updated, or replaced. Some parts of me need rebuilt from the studs, some parts need complete demo, while other parts, thankfully, need more of a refresh or cosmetic tune up. At times I become frustrated and discouraged by the mess.
Why do I still wrestle with old habits I’ve turned from?
Why are the old temptations still with me when I renovated that part already?
I must remember the process and the goal. You are the goal Lord Jesus. To be more like you. You are perfect in every way and I am not. I will never be perfect this side of heaven. My job is to press on toward the goal that you have called me to. To realize it is a lifelong work that will never be finished until my last breath. And to remember to give myself some grace for the mess along the way because You do.
You O Lord give me your amazing grace in the midst of my mess and failure. You love me just the same. The condition of my renovation does not change your complete and perfect love for me as your child. There is no one like you Lord. You alone are worthy to be praised. Perhaps it will be easier for me to handle my renovation if I focus on You instead of the mess – the project of me. Lord, let me remember to “seek you first and all these things will be added to me.” Thank you Lord for your great love! May I see others and me the way you do!
My daily journal is written to Jesus. It’s a way I meet with him to share my thoughts, feelings, concerns, and blessings. It clarifies my thinking, and helps to center me in a proper mindset for the day. The writing is raw, unedited, and likely filled with grammar errors because my thoughts don’t follow rules and I’m OK with that. I testify that such daily writing is among the healthiest habits I have. I record this entry here for my own benefit to encourage me in my journey, and I hope that somehow it can encourage you as well. You are not alone in your troubles, friend. Your renovation is messy too, and that’s OK. Your pain and struggles have a purpose – to help you grow, to draw you closer to God, and to share your experience to help others.

My wife and I could destroy one another if we wanted to. Yep, that’s exactly what I said. Even though I am a marriage coach, author of a marriage book, marriage speaker, and a pastor, we could easily focus on the past, nitpick our idiosyncrasies, and wake up each morning with a load of case files against the other. However, there are a few aspects about our marriage that keep us from doing so.
A lack of forgiveness toward one another would be hypocritical
Ephesians tells us to forgive one another “just as in Christ God forgave you”. If we desire forgiveness from God yet are unwilling to forgive one another, then we are hypocritical at best.
I probably have a great wife rather than a great marriage
To be honest, I am a high maintenance husband. I know many would think differently after reading my marriage book or hearing me speak on marriage, but, if the truth be told, we probably have a great marriage more because she is a great wife rather than the other way around.
Of course, my wife stands her ground with a quiet strength, and we are never to abuse the fact that the other is a forgiving person. But, at the end of the day, I am certain that we have a better marriage more because our love covers our sins rather than fills the other’s cup.
I know some would like to think that we have a great marriage because we meet a certain ideal or standard in the other’s eyes, but we are frail at best. That is, my wife and I are sometimes short with one another, we both say things we shouldn’t, and we sometimes overlook the other person’s needs. However, we have found that good lovers are great lovers, and to look for something other than that would mean that we are already in Heaven.
We live our problems out
We believe in communication, and, for some couples, conversation is all-important. But, in our case, actions speak way louder than words. In fact, early in marriage, the more we tried to clarify our points, the worse our conversation went. For us, the greater need was to build up a bank account of credibility through our actions which always paved the way for smoother communication. We deal with this in chapter 4 of our marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting With One Another.
We have a realistic view of marriage
I have never heard music playing in the background when my wife walks into a room. Problems are rarely solved in 90 minutes or less. Many a time, our heads spin not out of elation for one another, but out of frustration. But, at the end of the day, we are together, hand in hand, and closer because of our problems rather than in spite of them.
My wife and I are not just lovers, we are fighters in a common Holy War. Sometimes, we win. On many occasions, we feel a sense of loss. Some call this drudgery. We call it reality. God calls it marriage.
Order our marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting With One Another.
Entire article written by: Dr. Raymond Force currently serves as a pastor of the Crossroads Bible Church in Ocala, FL which is a Biblically based church in the Central Florida area. Having served in a number of churches throughout his ministry, Dr. Force pulls from his experience as a pastor and a youth pastor to help others to overcome difficulties in their lives and relationships. You can order his marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting With One Another from his website at https://hittinghomeordermaterials.com/storefront

You may think that you are just an impatient spouse. However, it could be that impatience is only a secondary issue. Your real problem may lie in other areas.
A Futile Approach
Many feel that the answer for their marriage problems is to just work harder at showing more patience. I actually find this to be a rather futile approach.
It is like someone that is trying to lose weight simply working at staying away from food. It hardly ever works. The real need is to change their outlook on food and themselves. Once this occurs, they will have an easier time losing weight. I should know. I took off about 30 pounds last year.
In the same manner, the problem with many is not a lack of patience as much as a lack of understanding as to what works in a relationship. That is, many have a faulty belief system about marriage that leads to a dead end path of anger, fighting, and hurt feelings. The real problem is not so much the anger they feel at the end of this dead end path as much as it is the path they chose in the first place.
Most people are actually fairly patient with their belief system until they see that it fails. Once they see it fail over and over again, they succumb to their last resort: anger, frustration, or apathy.
Below are a few faulty belief systems that often prevail in people’s minds and hearts in regards to marriage and relationships:
Believing that Knowledge Alone is Enough
I hear spouses say all the time, “I know what to do. I just need to do it.” Maybe what they should really be saying is, “I know what to do. I just lack the power to do it.”
In our marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting With One Another, I wrote:
Herein, by the way, lies the fundamental difference between psychology and true Christianity: psychology can sometimes tell you the right things to do, but only Christianity can give you the power to put those things into practice.
-Dr. Force
As a man or a woman, maybe you should give up on will-power as few seem to be able to master it. Maybe you should try the supernatural power of the Holy Spirit (Psalm 34:8).
Without the Holy Spirit, your marriage is a car without an engine, and you will find that you can only push it so far. At some point, you will either give up, give in, or start using some faulty type of fuel that will do more harm than good in the long run.
Your breath is already in God’s hands (Job 12:10), He gives you your every morsel of food (Acts 14:17), God is acquainted with every hair on your head (Matthew 10:30), and He made every ounce of you (Psalm 139:14). That being the case, you might as well give Him your heart and submit your behavior to His will. Without Him, your marriage will always be incomplete in some form or fashion.
Failing to Realize that Your Spouse is a Spirit Being
If you are going to affect your spouse for good, then you will have to affect their spirit above all else.
We are not body, soul, and then spirit. We are spirit, soul, and, last of all, body.
Check out I Thessalonians 5:23. When God lists the 3 parts of man, He states that we are spirit, soul, and then body. This is because your physical body is simply a house or a dwelling place (II Corinthians 5:1). The real you is your spirit and soul.
Proverbs 18:19 tells us that the entry point into a person’s being is their spirit. That is, once someone’s spirit is closed, the rest of their being is closed also. Consequently, if a husband or a wife has tried ever so hard to get their point across without opening their spouse’s spirit, then they will eventually become extremely frustrated. This is because we can never expect to reach someone’s mind without first opening their spirit.
We cover this in detail in chapter 4 of our marriage book. In fact, it is one of our main teachings that is saving marriages through our coaching services and resources.
Self-Centered Intentions
I find that Americans are increasingly struggling with adulthood. In fact, it seems that a good many of us really do not like being adults.
A major part of adulthood is serving others without expecting anything in return. It just comes with the territory.
I find that using people, acts of kindness, or even scriptural teachings as an end to our own means is utterly childlike. Furthermore, your spouse is probably the greatest psychologist you know, and if you wonder why they do not do backflips because you made them breakfast or showed them affection, it could be that they feel you are keeping score.
If your spouse views everything you do as a way to get to the bedroom or their wallet, they will resist even the kindest acts. To put it bluntly, you will be too stuck on yourself to see that your spirit of expectancy pushes them further away than your works pull them toward you.
Entire article written by: Dr. Raymond Force currently serves as a pastor of the Crossroads Bible Church in Ocala, FL which is a Biblically based church in the Central Florida area. Having served in a number of churches throughout his ministry, Dr. Force pulls from his experience as a pastor and a youth pastor to help others to overcome difficulties in their lives and relationships. You can order his marriage book, How to Fight for Your Marriage Without Fighting With One Another from his website at https://hittinghomeordermaterials.com/storefront