faith, Personal Development

4 Self-Defeating Thoughts Many Men Have

Men need encouragement. If it’s not the popular culture, media, or even people close to us that are knocking us down, it’s the negative thoughts we carry around in our own head. So take some encouragement from Vince Miller who shares some insight on what we can do about self-defeating thoughts.

“I will never be good enough so why try?”

Core Issues: Fear, shame, and guilt that stem from sin and ongoing repetitive failure.

Your action plan:

Avoid cycling in secret self-pity. No one knows you are doing this to yourself and it’s not helpful.

Own your problems. Yet remember you are not the cause of all your problem(s).

Move through emotional gridlock. Name the emotions you feel stuck on and mature through them.

Live in your new identity in Christ. You are a new man even though you still make mistakes once in a while.

Memorize this: Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.—2 Corinthians 5:17

“I am tired and confused, I just don’t know what to do.”

The Core Issues: Confusion based on the need for knowledge and clarity combined with feelings of incompetence.

Your action plan:

Clarify the capability gap that you think you have.

Ask someone to mentor you in the desired knowledge and capabilities you need.

Define simple and measurable goals toward reaching the needed capability.

Mark progress toward the goals.

Make adjustments and trust God’s sovereignty.

Memorize this: The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.—Proverbs 1:7

“I am too overwhelmed, I’ll address it later.”

The Core Issues: Procrastination that stems from being irritated or overwhelmed.

Your action plan:

Just start doing something, even a small step. The right moment may never come.

Go public with your decision to do something, it compels action.

Be willing to get accountability or invite to help, it ensures forward movement.

Be transparent with others about how you feel or why you are putting it off.

Memorize this: Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time because the days are evil.—Ephesians 5:15

“I hope this will go away, so I don’t have to deal with it.”

The Core Issues: Failure to take responsibility, lean into challenges, avoidance, and fear of change.

Your action plan:

Identify what you are avoiding and why you are avoiding it.

Write down the future ramifications of non-responsibility.

Use the phrase “I’m Sorry” or “I’m Angry” and open up the dialogue.

Seek reconciliation in relationships, and invite the benefits of healing.

Take one step at a time don’t worry about all the steps, just the next right one.

Memorize this: Do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.—Ephesians 4:27

Vince Miller is an author and speaker to men around the world on topics that include manhood, masculinity, fatherhood, mentorship, and leadership. He has authored 18 different books for men and is hosted on major video platforms like RightNow Media and Faithlife TV. He hosts a weekly podcast, writes weekly articles, and provides daily thoughts from God’s Word all just for men. He is a 27-year ministry veteran and the founder of Resolute a Men’s Ministry Platform that provides bible studies aimed at building better men found at See his latest study Men & Marriage: Overcoming 6 Unspoken Tensions.

faith, Family

The Men We Are

It’s no secret this world is filled with negativity and negative messages about men. We must continually renew our mind (Romans 12: 1-2) and remember who we are despite the messages we hear – or tell ourselves. Let this list from God’s word encourage you as it does me. Thanks to Vince Miller for compiling this list. Listen to what God wants us to believe about ourselves in contrast to the world. Read them all and memorize the one you need to focus on today. Maybe even share it with a friend.

I AM A CHILD OF GOD. “But to all who have received him, those who believe in his name, he has given the right to become God’s children.” (John 1:12)

I AM CONDUIT OF LIFE. “I am the true vine and my Father is the gardener. I am the vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in me–and I in him–bears much fruit, because apart from me you can accomplish nothing.” (John 15:1, 5)

I AM A FRIEND OF CHRIST. “I no longer call you slaves, because the slave does not understand what his master is doing. But I have called you friends, because I have revealed to you everything I heard from my Father.” (John 15:15)

I AM JUSTIFIED. “But they are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 3:24)

I AM NOT ENSLAVED TO SIN. “We know that our old man was crucified with him so that the body of sin would no longer dominate us, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin.” (Romans 6:6)

I AM NOT CONDEMNED. “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1)

I AM FREE FROM THE LAW. “For the law of the life-giving Spirit in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and death.” (Romans 8:2)

I AM A HEIR. “And if children, then heirs (namely, heirs of God and also fellow heirs with Christ) if indeed we suffer with him so we may also be glorified with him.” (Romans 8:17)

I AM ACCEPTED. “Receive one another, then, just as Christ also received you, to God’s glory.” (Romans 15:7)

I AM A SAINT. “To the church of God that is in Corinth, to those who are sanctified in Christ Jesus, and called to be saints, with all those in every place who call on the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, their Lord and ours.” (1 Corinthians 1:2)

I AM REDEEMED. “He is the reason you have a relationship with Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God, and righteousness and sanctification and redemption.” (1 Corinthians 1:30)

I AM A TEMPLE OF THE SPIRIT. “Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you?” (1 Corinthians 6:19)

I AM A NEW CREATION. “So then, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; what is old has passed away–look, what is new has come!” (2 Corinthians 5:17)

I AM RIGHTEOUS. “God made the one who did not know sin to be sin for us, so that in him we would become the righteousness of God.” (2 Corinthians 5:21)

DO THIS: Memorize the verse you need to remember.

PRAYER: God, remind me that I am not the sum total of what I think or others think about me—but only what you say I am.