teamquadzilla

In Your Singleness | Letter To My Son

May 27, 2020June 3, 2020 teamquadzilla

I’m sharing a series of “letters” originally written by Vince Miller. I regard Vince as a trusted resource for wisdom and insight on faith and family especially as it pertains to men and fathers. His bio is at the bottom of the post. Look him up. What follows is his work entirely. Vince communicates the messages I want my son to hear in a far more clear and concise way than I could ever say. Consider using these as conversation starters. I encourage you to share these letters with the important men in your life.

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
Ephesians 5:25

Companionship is a Worthy Desire

If you are looking for companionship, friendship, and a relationship with a woman, know that this is a worthy desire. And having the aspiration to one day be married to an awesome woman is a declaration of the desire for a relationship and to one day become a husband and a father. It also indicates an awareness of our passion for an ongoing connection. Even Adam, the first man, wanted a relationship, and God saw that it was good for him not to be alone—therefore, God created woman.

But during your single years, you have an opportunity. It’s the opportunity to develop spiritually and hone a character that’s worthy of a long-term relationship. Right now, you have the chance to become the man God wants you to be—aside from the titles husband, father, or leader. I know many married men and fathers who wish they had invested more time in character and spiritual development before marriage. Even though the challenges of relationships refine us, it’s crucial during your singleness to become the man God wants you to be today. You must find your identity in Christ today. It will be the anchor for your life regardless of the titles you hold tomorrow, including husband, father, and leader.

Four Things to Consider While You’re Single

One | Learn self-leadership

All men need to learn self-leadership. Discovering the value of self-leadership as a single man is a great asset. I don’t know any woman who is not attracted to a man who can lead himself effectively. A man who cannot lead himself is destined for relational issues in all other parts of life. Self-leadership is an intentional exercise. It affects many aspects of a man’s life: timeliness, responsibility, conflict, self-care, grooming, building healthy relationships, avoiding unhealthy ones, and setting priorities. Self-leadership involves organizing our lives around priorities and values that lead to purposeful action rather than leaving each moment to happenstance.

Here’s a potential question that might get you thinking about your self-leadership.

“What are my honest relational priorities, and what’s my plan for getting there?”

As a man, you must begin to determine your relational priorities now. Let’s say you define your priorities in this order.

A vibrant relationship with God that gives glory to Him.
Career fulfillment that positively impacts others.
Core relationships that influence self and others.
An active relationship with my family of origin.
A committed God-honoring marriage.
God-fearing children.

Now, these are only broad examples, and you can borrow them if you like. But as a single man, naming these “relational priorities” in this way will allow you to begin devising a plan and determining the self-leadership needed for the course. While at present, you cannot do much about tending to a marriage or children, you can devise a plan for becoming a man that a wife and child would love and respect. And you can give a lot of attention to the first four priorities on the list above. You can devise a plan and focus on becoming the man God wants you to be. And by leading yourself in the present, you will be more prepared for leadership in marriage and of a family with children. But you must determine personal priorities first and then take a little time to reflect on how you are going to lead yourself there.

Having identified what’s on your priority list, you now need to develop an intentional plan for getting there. This is where self-leadership moves from reflection into action. Perhaps there will be several small steps in each area where you can live out your priorities. Leaders are intentional, and your intentionality—while you are single—will serve you now, and if you get married, it will serve you later. So, start by leading yourself now.

DO THIS:

Make a list of relational priorities (or borrow mine).
Reflect on what is needed to get there.
Set one goal in each priority.

Two | Determine your values and grow into them

If you haven’t taken the time to write down or state your values, you need to do so. A value is a stated measurement for a standard of behavior. Declaring values is a considerable step toward maturation and stewarding your life and calling. Many leaders I’ve met in life state business values and require employees to live by them, but they fail to know or declare their personal values. Determining, stating, and living by your values are essential steps toward finding a woman who shares these values. Just think about it for a minute. What could be worse than working for an employer or being a relationship with a person who does not share your values? Just so you know—it’s miserable.

Take a couple of minutes to reflect on the following question:

“What values guide your life, and how would you define those values?”

Let’s say, for a moment, that a value you possess or aspire to hold is honesty. Rather than just recognizing this, define it. Write down the implications of living a life of honesty. Consider how the application of that value may influence your actions, attitudes, motives, and relationships with others and God. Don’t make the mistake of thinking of values as dull ideas. Instead, think of them as living measures that influence your actions, attitudes, and motives. You might state the value of honesty this way:

“In all that I do, I will speak honestly, seek the truth, and do my best to live transparently with others.”

Because it’s written down, stated, and rememberable, your value has the potential to become a guiding principle. And as you look forward to marriage, you can aim to find someone who either shares or supports your value of honesty. If not, it might be a deal-breaker, not because of the person but the value.

DO THIS:

Make a list of three values you possess or aspire to possess.
Define these values in your own way.
For one week, evaluate your actions, attitudes, and desires, using these three values.

Three | Discover your identity in singleness

Men and women sometimes get married because they believe they are missing out on something in their current situation and feel a spouse will fill that void. While there is much to be said about a man and woman becoming “one flesh,” we need to remember that Jesus offers the relationship that completes us—not a spouse.

A relationship with Christ is one of perfect grace, mercy, forgiveness, and love, which cannot be found in any human relationship. Your relationship with Christ is the ultimate relationship and primary to every other relationship. Coming to a place of contentment in your singleness with Christ is part of living out your identity in Christ. And why is this important? Well, because your identity is not found in marriage. Marriage doesn’t take the place of one’s identity in Christ; it only compliments that identity. Remember, in singleness you are a complete person in Christ. Regardless of popular opinion, your spouse will not complete you—Jesus does.

Four | Get to know yourself

Finally, you need to know yourself. This is a lifelong pursuit. So begin today to get to know who you are in all kinds of circumstances, for in marriage or companionship, you will not be able to hide.

Here are ten questions to reflect on today:

What do you believe is possible for you?
What activity in your life gets you fired up?
How would you like others to perceive you?
What is something you love doing, even when you are tired?
What do you fear about a job or a relationship?
What have you done in your life that makes you proud?
What is your most significant self-limiting belief?
Who is your role model?
Who is a person that you don’t like but spend time with?
What is one failure that you have turned into your greatest lesson?

God made you unique, and as a man who lives in a broken world, you have unique capabilities and vulnerabilities. Know and get to know your strengths and weaknesses as you encounter friendship. You will learn some lessons as you go, but be willing to get to know yourself as you do. This exercise in self-awareness will benefit you, your future wife, and your future children. Be committed to self-improvement and getting to know yourself through the phases and stages of life.

I love you, son—Dad

Vince Miller is an author and speaker to men around the world on topics that include manhood, masculinity, fatherhood, mentorship, and leadership. He has authored 16 different books for men and is hosted on major video platforms like RightNow Media and Faithlife TV. He hosts a weekly podcast, writes weekly articles, and provides daily thoughts from God’s Word all just for men. He is a 27-year ministry veteran and the founder of Resolute a Men’s Ministry Platform that provides bible studies aimed at building better men found at www.beresolute.org

Fitness

Daily Walks Are Healthier Than You Think

May 20, 2020June 3, 2020 teamquadzilla

The COVID-19 pandemic has people walking more than ever. Are you among those who can’t wait to get out for a walk in the neighborhood for some fresh air? Maybe the “shelter in place” order we’ve endured in recent months has you going stir crazy, so a walk is your way to just get out of the house. Well, guess what? You are doing more good for yourself than meets the eye. Read on to learn about some surprising benefits to your daily walk and let them inspire you to keep up the good work after the COVID-19 restrictions are lifted.

1. MOOD BOOSTER

Sometimes all you need is a little fresh air to change your attitude. We don’t need science to tell us that taking a daily walk can lift your mood even when we are feeling down. Just being outside has some magical mood improving powers. I can testify that being out for a walk helps decrease depression and can put emotions in an overall happier place.

2. GOOD BONES

As you age, bone density can decrease and make an injury from a fall much more severe. Believe it or not, walking can improve bone density and stop the loss of bone mass that is often associated with osteoporosis. Walking for up to 40 minutes a day may also help to reduce hip fractures and other injuries related to falls. This is common sense, really. The science of, “if you don’t use it, you lose it” applies here. We must keep moving as we age to stay strong and limber. Walking is an excellent low impact way to do that.

3. HEART HEALTH

Whether it’s hypertension or cardiovascular health, walking has been shown to have positive effects on the overall health of your heart. A consistent walking routine can help lower your blood pressure and prevent heart disease – two very common ailments for the 40 somethings on up. And while you’ll still want to consult a doctor before beginning an exercise routine, for anyone with existing heart conditions, walking can be a safer alternative to more vigorous forms of exercise.

4. BURN FAT

Losing weight and keeping it off is a little more complex than simply burning calories. In addition to healthy eating, finding ways to boost your metabolism can help reduce body fat. Walking has been shown to keep your internal furnace running hot so you can burn more calories during the day when you’re not exercising. The key is upping the pace. Try including 1–2 minutes of power walking every five minutes during your daily walk to get started, or walk on hilly or uneven terrain.

5. BABY STEPS

Since walking is considered safe on the joints and a low-impact activity, beginning a walking program before you start running or other forms of high-intensity exercise can help. After you become more comfortable with a fitness walking routine, try a walk-run program to ease yourself into running for longer distances.

6. RECOVERY AID

Even if you are accustomed to higher intensity workouts and are relatively fit, your body still needs time to rest and recover between workouts. Because walking is a low-to-moderate intensity exercise that gets the blood flowing and raises the heart rate, it can be an ideal recovery activity in between harder workouts. It can also help ease any joint, back and muscular pain associated with more extreme forms of exercise.

7. MENTAL HEALTH

Many of us have experienced new anxieties and stresses during this crazy time of COVID-19. Getting outside and exercising is an excellent way to clear your mind. Whether you take a short walk around the neighborhood or head to a park or forest, try to be more aware of your body, your surroundings and all that you have to be grateful for. Walking with a loved one helps us feel connected as you talk together, and talking things out loud is a great way to manage stress, discuss new ideas, make plans, etc. Walking alone offers opportunity to refocus your mind, pray, even vent. OK, maybe that’s just me. Anyway, taking this focused time alone or with a loved one while walking can have other positive effects on your health and well-being that go far beyond letting go of the worries of the day.

Fitness, Nutrition

Have A Snack – But Avoid These 5 Mistakes

May 13, 2020December 14, 2022 teamquadzilla

Everyone loves a good snack. At its best, a snack can be the ideal pick-me-up after a really tough workout or a well-deserved mid-afternoon break at the office. But healthy snacking isn’t a slam dunk. At its worst, snacks can derail your healthy eating goals and ultimately sabotage your weight-loss. Here’s 5 common mistakes to avoid in your snack game.

Mistake #1 Skipping Snacks

One of the big problems I have with diets is they are always cutting something out. Whether it’s calorie counting, food restrictions, or obnoxious fasting rules, popular diets make us feel guilty for needing a snack. We don’t like being told we can’t have this or do that, especially when it comes to food. So dieters eventually cave for the thing they can’t have, get depressed that they failed, and quit.

I’m telling you right now – have snacks. In fact, eat like a Hobbit. At least target 3 meals a day with a mid-morning and mid-afternoon snack. Snacking helps you avoid getting hangry, keeps your energy up, and eating 4–5 smaller and more frequent meals throughout the day is a proven strategy for increased weight loss.

The fix: Instead of snacking on rabbit food or some pre-packaged “low-cal” crackers or cookies that won’t satisfy you, try adding hummus or peanut butter to carrots or celery sticks. I eat an apple with peanut butter almost every day around 3 pm. Target a mix of protein and carbs in your snack choice. This more filling option won’t break the calorie bank and should help keep you from overeating later.

Mistake #2 Snacking When You’re Not Hungry

If you’ve ever reached for something sweet or salty out of pure boredom you’re definitely not alone. Such mindless eating can add up fast and prevent you from reaching your goals.

The fix: Before reaching for a snack, do a hunger check. Ask yourself, “Am I really hungry, or just bored, tired, stressed?” If you aren’t actually hungry, go for a big glass of water, take a short walk, or find something else to do. Being mindful about your food intake is key to reaching your goals. Remember your reasons why you want to eat healthy and let that drive you to make good choices.

Mistake #3 Incorrect Portion Sizes

Nuts, seeds and dried fruit are excellent, nutrient-dense snacks, but they can be easy to overeat if you’re not careful. Beware of portion sizes for such foods. Usually a handful is all you really need. Portion sizes are made easy when you choose whole fruits like apples, bananas, pears. Once you are used to using portion control containers, you won’t need to measure anything.

The fix: Instead of eating right out of a bag of nuts and seeds, serve yourself the appropriate portion size.

Mistake #4 Not Planning

Failing to plan is a plan to fail in your snack game. If you are serious about eating right, you need a plan. It includes bringing healthy food to work with you, and keeping the junk out of your kitchen at home.

The fix: Make snack prep a part of your regular routine. Keep some whole wheat crackers and real cheese or healthy homemade trail mix at the office. You can bring hard cooked eggs, egg cups, a small jar of peanut butter to go with your apple or banana, etc.

Mistake #5 Not Having The Right Macros

Both protein and fat are essential macronutrients that help keep you feeling full and satisfied. An ideal snack should contain a mix of both carbohydrates and protein/ fat. Your brain and central nervous system run exclusively on carbs (sugar) found in foods such as whole grains, beans, vegetables, fruit, milk and yogurt. You need protein such as meat, seafood, eggs, nuts, and seeds to sustain energy and fullness longer.

The fix: Choose snacks that incorporate both a healthy fat or protein, like almonds for example, with your fruit. This will help you stay fuller longer and avoid extra servings at lunch or dinner because you’re starving.

What are your favorite healthy snacks?

Family

You Always Bite The One You Love

April 29, 2020June 3, 2020 teamquadzilla

By Dr. James Dobson

Isn’t it curious how in the midst of a nasty family argument we can shake out of the bad mood the instant the telephone rings or a neighbor knocks on the door?

Sometimes those we love are treated the worst, and kids are quick to notice this hypocrisy. Have you ever been brought up short by a small voice questioning this sudden turn to kindness after twenty minutes of fire and brimstone?

The late Mark Hatfield, a longtime senator from Oregon and the father of four kids, said his wife stung him once by saying, “I just wish you were as patient with your children as you are with your constituents.”

He isn’t alone. We’re all guilty at times of what I call “split vision,” treating certain people with forbearance while heaping contempt on others under our own roof. We assume the worst; we pounce on every shortcoming. We never miss an opportunity to deliver a corrective harangue. And in the process, we wound the people we care about the most.

Isn’t it time to cut one another a little slack at home? If, in fact, we love our spouses and our children and our parents as much as we say we do, one way to show it is to give them the kind words we bestow on our casual acquaintances.

faith, Family

Get Good Counsel on Money | Letters To My Son

April 15, 2020June 3, 2020 teamquadzilla

Without counsel, plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.—Proverbs 15:22

There are certain areas of a man’s life where the counsel of others is necessary, but where I have found it hard to ask for help. One of these areas is money.

Why am I so hesitant to ask for help in the area of money and finances?

I think there are several reasons.

One | Shame

I, like many, have made numerous financial mistakes over my lifetime. I’ve lived on the financial edge, accrued debt, purchased useless things that I could not afford, and have made a bad investment or two. I, like most men, don’t like to reveal my failings to other men; it is shame and embarrassment about these events that keep me from getting the help I need.

Two | Self-Reliance

Shame, while one of my issues, is not the only issue. Self-reliance, in combination with ongoing shame, is a powerful one-two punch. Self-reliance complicates everything, resulting in the belief that I ought to be able to figure out budgeting, spending, saving, and investing on my own. Even though I may have a novice understanding of money, remaining in a state of ignorance because of self-reliance is not the better choice. And worse, the faulty self-talk that says, “try and figure it out on your own,” will keep you captive to unhealthy practices and from gaining the knowledge, disciplines, and skills for success.

Three | Pride

The third related core issue with shame and self-reliance, is pride. Arrogance keeps me, and all men, from asking for help and advice.

How do we handle these personal issues that keep us from getting the help we need?

I have learned we must humbly find help before we become humiliated. Proverbs 15:22 says it this way: “Without counsel, plans fail, but with many advisers, they succeed.” One mark of Godly men is humility—not shame, not self-reliance, and definitely not pride. Humility is to think of yourself less. It’s thinking less about how the present financial situation reflects on you as a person and more about how others can aid in guiding you out of it. This infers that we must separate who we are from what the issue is, and in doing so, we must embrace the virtue of humility. But a humble man does not think “less of himself” in a self-defeating manner, but instead, he “thinks of himself less” as it relates to the issue at hand. Money, as it relates to manhood, can feel like a direct attack on who we are as a person. The best thing we can do is detach the issue from who we are and admit our mistakes and failures so we can find a way out with competent counsel. Why? So we can be the men God designed us to be and so we do not live in constant shame, self-sufficiency, and pride.

Where do we find help for our financial questions?

First | Jesus

One of the most popular and essential areas from which one to develop a biblical understanding of money, finances, budgeting, debt, and sound financial decision-making is the teachings of Jesus Christ. Jesus talked about money more than many other subjects—more than heaven, more than hell, more than heaven and hell combined. And even more than love. Of the 39 parables Jesus told, eleven of them are devoted to talking about some aspect of money. Maybe Jesus knew money would be challenging for men?

So if you are looking for wisdom on money, read the words of Jesus in a few of these stories.

The Parable of the Prodigal Son—Luke 15:11–32
The Rich Man and Lazarus—Luke 16:19–31
The Day Laborers in the Vineyard—Matthew 20:1–16
The Widow’s Two Coins—Mark 12:41-44
Ceasar’s Taxes—Matthew 22:15-22
The Rich Young Man—Matthew 19:16-24
Zaccheus the Tax Collector—Luke 19:1-10

Or consider these foundational quotes by Jesus about money.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.—Matthew 6:21
Take nothing for your journey, no staff, nor bag, nor bread, nor money; and do not have two tunics.—Luke 9:3
No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.—Matthew 6:24
For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?—Mark 8:36
Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you.—Matthew 5:42

Second | Other Faithful Christian Men

There are many great Christian men out there who know a ton about money. They are usually men who have done an excellent job managing, leading, and guiding their finances. Ask them if they would share with you what they know and how they handle their finances. Ask them questions and let them know what kind of specific guidance you need. If you want, you could gather a group of men together who wish to openly discuss the topic of finances, learn with one another and encourage one another.

But remember that there are also some people from whom we should not seek counsel. Psalm 1:1 says, “Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers.” Be aware that some of the financial advice that we find in the world can be self-serving. In other words, it feeds on the assumption that we will be selfish at some point and that, financially, there will be things that we will want, that we will be afraid of missing out on, and that we will convince ourselves that we need right now.

Regardless of whom you turn to for guidance, spend some time addressing your motives and desires and make sure that your heart is in the right place before you make a significant purchase or investment. If in doubt—don’t do it. If pressured for a quick decision—walk away. If you have not prayed about it—wait. Waiting is a profound financial principle that people who live in a consumer-driven society need to heed.

Son, don’t let shame, self-reliance, or pride keep you from discovering the fantastic gift of financial freedom. We have all paid a dumb tax with finances. Don’t pay more. Get counsel, teaching, and Godly advice on money.