Tag: behavior

faith, Personal Development

Lured By Sin | Letter To My Son

teamquadzilla

I’m sharing a series of “letters” originally written by Vince Miller. I regard Vince as a trusted resource for wisdom and insight on faith and family especially as it pertains to men and fathers. His bio is at the bottom of the post. Look him up. What follows is his work entirely. Vince communicates the messages I want my son to hear in a far more clear and concise way than I could ever say. Consider using these as conversation starters. I encourage you to share these letters with the important men in your life.

Knowledge of God’s Word is a bulwark against deception, temptation, accusation, even persecution.

Ed Cole

Son, at some point, you are going to become aware of the deceptiveness of sin. You will be lured in by it. It will hook you, and you will be held captive in its clutches.

Think about the process of deception like a fisherman thinks about the sport of fishing. His aim—to deceive a fish by baiting and hooking it, to eventually filet, cook, and feast on it. Regardless of how poorly I do this, the same principle applies to the enticement, baiting, and hooking that men encounter daily when it comes to sin. The taste of the bait is different based on the sin, but the bait is presented the same way in every instance. If you learn how we are enticed by sin, you will be better prepared to resist the temptation, and even make better decisions to avoid temptation when sin seeks to lure and reel you in. The following three baits should empower you to make better advanced decisions. All three are observed in the first temptation in the Bible. And remember this is an interaction the serpent has with the woman who is baiting her to act in disobedience to God.

Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.'” But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”—Genesis 3:1-5

BAIT ONE | God Doesn’t Let You Do Anything

Did God actually say, “You shall not eat of any tree in the garden?”

Genesis 3:2

So what’s happening here? It’s cunning if you read it carefully.

The serpent is inviting the woman to question the one moral rule of God. And man was given this rule long before the woman was created. And it was a single moral command. Not two. Not even ten—that was later. Just one. Here is how God communicated the original command:

And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, “You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.”—Genesis 2:16-17

If you read it carefully a few times, you will notice some differences between God’s original declaration and the serpent’s statement. While God said “every tree” was permissible except one, the serpent presented an interesting spin; that they were not allowed to eat from “any tree.” Thus, we see the first bait is presented, which leads to an enticing exchange of questioning God’s truth.

Now note; when it comes to life, we should ask great questions. Dialogue is necessary. But when these dialogues lead us down the stream of questioning truth, we need to examine the process and even consider the potential consequence. Please always go back to the truth, in God’s Word, and do what God instructs, staying close to God’s original intent and meaning. Since we are innately sinful, selfish desires will kick in, and they will entice us with questions that attempt to blur the lines between obedience and disobedience. This is a dangerous and sometimes fatal first step that leads to many others. Be careful to search for the truth, not your version of the truth, that causes you to question the truth of God.

Now had this been the only bait set, perhaps the woman would not have sinned. But there is another powerbait presented.

BAIT TWO | God Is Lying To You

“You will not surely die.

Genesis 3:4

You have to remember that our enemy knows the truth, and he knows it well. And because he knows the truth so well, even better than some Christians, he presents the truth and leaves most of it intact to only hook you with falsehood. Note the statement of the serpent. He proclaims a partial truth and therefore suggests that God is lying and concealing something from her. He could have said it this way. 

“You will not surely die, today but die you will. And by the way, the bonus is spiritual death and separation from God.”

But in your life, the voice of the serpent sounds a lot like you! It’s after all the voice of your private desires.

The seductive voice of self-rationalization is powerful bait because you know what you want more than anyone else. And sometimes you’ll want something so badly you will convince yourself that a small diversion is okay. This will come in self-talk that sounds like this:

  • “I’ll do it just once.”
  • “No one will ever know.”
  • “I won’t get caught.”
  • “It’s not that wrong.”
  • “You will not surely die.”

The sound of this voice should bring a pause in your life. Justification and self-rationalization should signal that the hook is about to be set. At all costs, stop the process immediately. Get counsel from Christian men and instruction from God’s Word. Do not continue! For once the third bait is presented, it’s hard to turn and swim away.

BAIT THREE | God’s A Deceiver

For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.

Genesis 3:5

Now, this is insidious. The serpent wants the woman to believe that God is a selfish concealer, which is downright deceit. But he has brought the woman a long way down the road of temptation. First, he gets her to question the truth; then, he spins the truth, now he feeds her the ultimate untruth—God knows and deceiving you. And concurrently, there is also the chance to become something greater—you can be “like God.”

Son, this is the penultimate bait. We want to be like God. We desire power, knowledge, and control. This man and woman did have their eyes opened, but with it, it did not produce the intended result—instead, it resulted in separation from God.

Now, you may think you have no desire to be like God, but all men do. Just get a small taste of power, and you’ll want more like every man. It’s simply unquenchable. And it’s this drive for power, knowledge, and control that takes men downstream into hideous sin.

So, son, you will sin. You’ve probably already done so today. But remember these baits, they are unchanging. And when you are baited by temptation and sin, get back up again, lean on God’s grace, and keep moving as a man of God, till the Day sin is no more.

I love you sin and all, but live in the truth and grace of God—Dad.

Vince Miller is an author and speaker to men around the world on topics that include manhood, masculinity, fatherhood, mentorship, and leadership. He has authored 18 different books for men and is hosted on major video platforms like RightNow Media and Faithlife TV. He hosts a weekly podcast, writes weekly articles, and provides daily thoughts from God’s Word all just for men. He is a 27-year ministry veteran and the founder of Resolute a Men’s Ministry Platform that provides bible studies aimed at building better men found at www.beresolute.org. See his latest book and small group study Called to Act: 5 Uncomplicated Disciplines for Men.

faith, Family

The Power of Your Beliefs | Letter to My Son

teamquadzilla

I’m sharing a series of “letters” originally written by Vince Miller. I regard Vince as a trusted resource for wisdom and insight on faith and family especially as it pertains to men and fathers. His bio is at the bottom of the post. Look him up. What follows is his work entirely. Vince communicates the messages I want my son to hear in a far more clear and concise way than I could ever say. Consider using these as conversation starters. I encourage you to share these letters with the important men in your life.

he ultimate freedom we have as human beings is the power to select what we will let our minds dwell upon.

Dallas Willard

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Philippians 4:8

Son, it matters what we think. It affects everything about us as men. When I was younger, I didn’t think it mattered, but with years comes wisdom, and I have come to discover that every thought that spins around in our head has consequences. The music you sing along with, the language you hear, the media you read, the marketing you believe, and even the thoughts you have about yourself all affect you. They alter your feelings, beliefs, and attitudes that, as a result, change your behavior sometimes a little at a time and other times drastically.

So let me illustrate. When I was 12 years old, I remember standing on the basketball court with a group of other young men during a gym class. I vividly recall another friend coming up and bursting into our conversation, and he began to share with the four of us about Tony’s first sexual encounter over the weekend. He spared no detail. Then he closed off the conversation with this statement, “Guys, I guess Tony became a man. Tony became a man.” And then he dropped the mic and walked away. And even though a 12-year-old boy does not understand what it means to be a man, this thought was compelling to me about manhood. At this moment, a belief and belief system were forming in my mind, and it was perhaps one of the most potent ideas I heard at age 12. And you should know this influenced my thinking for several years. I fell for this false belief because I did not have a father present or a Christian voice in my life. And I clung to this belief, and the supporting system of belief as my hope for manhood—resulting in several bad decisions.

The following are my thoughts on our beliefs as men. I pray this serves you well in life as you make decisions about what you choose to believe.

One | We Construct Beliefs and Belief Systems

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.

Isaiah 55:8

So we are thinking and believing beings. This is what makes us human. In basic philosophy, we learn that the one thing that distinguishes us from all other creatures is that we do not act on instinct alone. Human beings can think and construct systems of belief about life. This means that as we are exposed to inputs of data, we make judgments, develop concepts, and inferences about life that result in ideas and images that make up our beliefs. These ideas and images are compelling.

Beliefs require two things to become a belief: first, a believer (that’s you), and second, an object or proposition (that’s something you believe in). You are a believer who comes in contact with objects and propositions every day. Over time, you construct beliefs, and a cluster of these beliefs results in what we call a belief system. When we strip this down, a belief system is simply ideas and images about various parts of our life. And they influence how we view family, work, education, money, politics, and our faith. A true belief system is a good thing, and false belief system is bad—thus the words from the apostle Paul to the Philippians above. When you think about things that are honorable, just, pure, lovely, commendable, and excellent, you get better inputs and thus better outputs. The point being you construct them, good and bad.

Two | You Are Controlled by Your Belief Systems

For as he thinks within himself, so he is.

Proverbs 23:7

This principle is probably not a shocker. 

This is why a beautiful woman thinks she is ugly, or a skinny woman thinks she is obese. Her self-perceptions and the ideas and image she has constructed are now controlling her believing process and her actions.

There is evidence of this rule throughout the Bible. Take the David and Goliath story. Why did Israel not send a man out fight with Goliath? Because they were being controlled by the belief that they could not defeat Goliath. Goliath’s challenge was too outrageous for them—then along came David. And here, we see a teenager with a different belief and belief system. He believed that God could defeat Goliath—and that if God was going to use someone, it was him! This radical belief uprooted everyone’s belief system, and it defied human logic, but it was spot on.

Therefore we can conclude that even though belief systems are what make us human, and what we use to make sense of the world around us, they are not always correct. They can be repetitively wrong and therefore control us. And as we know, these belief systems have power and direct how we think (our thoughts) and what we do (our behaviors). This is why men hesitate to act out in faith; they have human beliefs and human belief systems that compete with God’s system of faith. This is also why many men get stuck in repetitive cycles of sins; they have a belief or belief system that is entirely inaccurate.

This leads to the third point.

Three | We Have Corrupt Belief Systems

The Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intention of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.

Genesis 6:5

Yes, not only corrupt beliefs but also corrupt belief systems. We have corrupt belief systems at the core. Note that the writer above states our intentions are the real problem. It’s not just our thoughts or behaviors, but the aim of our thoughts and behaviors. This is the nature of human corruption at the deepest level.

So we can conclude that corrupt belief systems distort everything, including how we view God, spirit, soul, mind, and body. They corrupt our entire being.

And remember what is pervasive about these corrupt belief systems is that they are not uniform. They are different for every person. So this means my corrupt beliefs may be different from yours, yet still corrupt. And this corruption is profoundly personal and can involve long heritage, and when we combine this long heritage with a deep personal commitment, it can be hard to break. That is why battling repetitive sin or breaking a long-term habit is laborious; it’s because we have years of corrupt patterns that are rewarding us in some way, and it’s hard to destroy old beliefs, systems, and the powerful rewards and patterns that go with them.

Overcoming corrupt belief systems can feel like asking someone to jump into deep-water, without a life vest when they don’t know how to swim. For many, this is a paralyzing look over the bow of a great ship. This is why beginning a personal relationship with Christ is often challenging and simultaneously stimulating. The experience is eye-opening.

And this leads to the final principle.

Four | God must Reveal The Belief System

Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

John 14:6

This is why Jesus came to our world. He came to reveal the only way, the truthful way, and the one that leads to life as it was intended to be lived. God saw that our beliefs and belief systems were corrupt, and because we could not find the way on our own, God had to reveal the way. And he does this—in the person of Jesus Christ.

This bold and often divisive statement by Jesus is the revelation of a new way to believe. And every time we discover another truth about his way, God opens our mind to another reality.

I have had many moments in my life where God has revealed the truth to me. Moments where I have discovered the power of his grace over the law of my sin, the impact of what Christ did in the resurrection versus what I could do on my own, and the infinite power of a relationship with God over my religious activity. And these moments are revealing in fresh new ways every day, as long as I am keeping myself close to the truth in God’s Word. God reveals something to me every single day. And it has been an “awakening.”

Son, we live in times that are changing. You will be exposed to thoughts and beliefs through friends, teachers, coaches, supervisors, famous stars, and even pastors and leaders that are opposed to God’s Truth. I pray that you will test these thoughts and beliefs and compare them to the truth in God’s Word. His truth is good, search for it, and hold fast!

But test everything; hold fast what is good.

1 Thessalonians 5:21

I love you son, Dad.

Vince Miller is an author and speaker to men around the world on topics that include manhood, masculinity, fatherhood, mentorship, and leadership. He has authored 18 different books for men and is hosted on major video platforms like RightNow Media and Faithlife TV. He hosts a weekly podcast, writes weekly articles, and provides daily thoughts from God’s Word all just for men. He is a 27-year ministry veteran and the founder of Resolute a Men’s Ministry Platform that provides bible studies aimed at building better men found at www.beresolute.org. See his latest study Men & Marriage: Overcoming 6 Unspoken Tensions.

faith, Personal Development

Live Beyond The Shame | Letter to My Son

teamquadzilla

I’m sharing a series of “letters” originally written by Vince Miller. I regard Vince as a trusted resource for wisdom and insight on faith and family especially as it pertains to men and fathers. His bio is at the bottom of the post. Look him up. What follows is his work entirely. Vince communicates the messages I want my son to hear in a far more clear and concise way than I could ever say. Consider using these as conversation starters. I encourage you to share these letters with the important men in your life.

Son, there are points in every man’s life when he feels like he is not good enough. This is common to every man. Most bounce back from these momentary struggles with guilt, shame, and regret, but some will not. Some men will allow the quiet voice of self-criticism to take them to self-hatred and a lingering feeling of disappointment, discouragement, and disapproval that seeks to alter their identity. For some men, this will become paralyzing mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

A popular solution for those living in shame is focused self-improvement that strives to boost self-esteem. Coaching in this manner seeks to improve skills, competencies, mindsets, attitudes, perseverance, and endurance with the hope of seeing worth in yourself that dig you out of your self-criticism. But as you will learn, this is an insufficient solution. If this solution were sufficient for men, there would be no one living in perpetual and private shame. Yet men still do. And solutions of this sort ignore the fact that shame is rooted in a spiritual problem, needs a spiritual solution, and a renewed spiritual reality that is not manufactured merely by our mind.

So if you are dealing with shame, here is what you need to know about shame and how to live shamelessly.

There Was A Time Before Shame

And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

Genesis 2:25

Can you imagine this utopia? A time before shame? 

It must have been a beautiful state of freedom. Yet not long after this moment, sin came and shame and then a lot of blame. And ever since the fall of man, the same cycle continues. Sin, then shame, and then blame.

But can we attain what was lost in the garden?

The answer is yes, but we have to understand where shame gets its power.

Shame’s Power Comes From Sin

We know that our old self was crucified with him in order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin.

Romans 6:6

There is nothing more the Accuser, that’s Satan, would love than for a redeemed man to live in a state of self-criticism rather than in God’s true joy and freedom. 

“We know,” the writer confidently states, but do men act as they know when they live in self-criticism and shame? 

We might say we know, but if we don’t also behave and believe as we know, then do we know? And what is it that we should know—that we were crucified—notice the use of the past tense. This infers that the spiritual penance paid by Christ on the cross was good enough, even though we were not. His penance in the past alters our present state. This crucifixion nailed our body of sin, freeing us from the slavery of sin. If this is the case, then why do so many men act and believe they are enslaved? Why do we choose to believe our sin enslaves us when the present reality is so different?

This is where shame gets its power. It convinces redeemed men that God’s gift on the cross was not enough. It convinces redeemed men that they are never going to be enough. In our disbelief of God and his act on the cross, we choose to believe more in the voice of shame. No longer does the cross have power, but rather our shame.

But here is the truth.

You Are Not Put To Shame

For the Scripture says, “Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.”

Romans 10:11

Sin and shame have no power over the regenerate believer. If Scripture is true—then shame was put off not put on. And while we did formerly live in a perpetual state of sin and thus shame, this is no longer the case. While as men, we occasionally sin, this is vastly different from the life of sin we once lived. Our spiritual state is changed, and we as men will spend the rest of our lives, realizing, understanding, and knowing this renewed state. Thus scripture is needed desperately to retrain a mind that believes the past more than the present. Our old ways, attitudes, and beliefs tend to persuade us to believe in old beliefs and belief systems. While some guilt and regret are good in moments of sin, they should drive us toward reconciliation and restoration, not to a state of shame that paralyzes us.

Our Present Reality Is Saved Not Shamed

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.

Galatians 2:20

The truth of these words are power to a man who lives in shame. The writer proclaims, “It is no longer I who live.” And this is not positive self-talk aimed at boosting a man’s self-esteem. It is embracing a belief in a new spiritual reality. Remember, self-esteem, self-confidence, and self-worth is merely human effort that is futile. The death and resurrection of Christ for mankind’s sin is not human effort—it’s divine salvation from the futile attempts of human effort. It is the redemption of sin that breaks the bondage of sin and the cycle of shame and blame.

Christ’s sacrifice was enough, but now we have a choice—to believe in Christ who lives within us or believe in the shame that so easily imprisons us.

If you are a follower of Christ, live free from shame, enjoy your freedom, and find joy in Christ’s life. Why live in self-condemnation, as a man set free? Don’t condemn yourself—God doesn’t when you are in Christ.

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Romans 8:1

I love you son, Dad.

Vince Miller is an author and speaker to men around the world on topics that include manhood, masculinity, fatherhood, mentorship, and leadership. He has authored 18 different books for men and is hosted on major video platforms like RightNow Media and Faithlife TV. He hosts a weekly podcast, writes weekly articles, and provides daily thoughts from God’s Word all just for men. He is a 27-year ministry veteran and the founder of Resolute a Men’s Ministry Platform that provides bible studies aimed at building better men found at www.beresolute.org. See his latest study Men & Marriage: Overcoming 6 Unspoken Tensions.

faith, Personal Development

Uncommon Behavior

teamquadzilla

Recently as I was searching for some inspiration to write/ pray about in my journal, I happened upon some old notes from an Andy Stanley study on marriage and relationships. The key verse is Matthew 7:12 “…do to others what you would have them do to you…” We’ve heard this our whole life, right? We know this is how we should behave. After all, these are the words of Jesus – a trustworthy resource if there ever was one. Yet we aren’t very good at it. Instead we judge harshly, we keep our distance, we speak criticism much more than praise, we find fault instead of giving grace, etc.
We seem to be naturally wired for this ‘transactional’ type of relationships where the verse would read, “I’ll do to you what you do to me… or if you do this first, then I will respond with that.” This faulty mindset applies for both good and bad behavior. We want justice and revenge for another’s bad behavior, and we hold out to reciprocate loving behavior only after we receive it. Our version of the verse sounds ridiculous and entirely self-centered, but upon sober self-assessment we will agree this is how we typically behave.
Behaving this way doesn’t work for us or the other person. We put all the power onto them for how we can behave – waiting for them to act first. Be honest, have you ever thought, “I’d really like to be nice/ loving/ giving to him/ her, but I just can’t because he/ she isn’t being nice to me.” We do this all the time and don’t even realize it. But that is not at all what this simple familiar verse says. If we want to take back control (and we all like to be in control) of our behavior, and if we want the best for ourselves and our relationships, we would actually do what this verse says.
The verse tells us to be proactive. Be positive. Be the one who loves first. Believe the best about the person instead of assuming the worst. Gee whiz, we are very bad at this. Look at what happens when news breaks about someone behaving badly or is accused of some crime or bad behavior. We immediately judge them as evil, they get fired from their job, they are ostracized from the community, and regarded as a terrible person. We don’t even know the whole story, and the investigation is incomplete, but we immediately assume the worst. Is that how we want others to treat us? I digress.
Like 1 Corinthians 13:7, look for ways to love, give, serve, and care for others. Show grace and patience. Are you perfect? Do you hope others show grace and patience with your weaknesses, imperfections, mistakes, and annoyances? Yeah, me too.
Look, no one wants to disappoint another person, especially someone close like a spouse. Let’s build some margin in our hearts for their “issues” like we hope they do for ours. Wouldn’t this mindset shift do us good? That’s the conviction I have about this verse in Matt 7:12. Stop waiting for the other person to do/ be who we expect them to be and just do our part. Trust the Lord with our heart and hands while we obey this command for how we are to behave and watch our relationships flourish. #preachingtomyself #underconstruction #conqueryourmind