encouragement – Team Quadzilla

I’m sharing a series of “letters” originally written by Vince Miller. I regard Vince as a trusted resource for wisdom and insight on faith and family especially as it pertains to men and fathers. His bio is at the bottom of the post. Look him up. What follows is his work entirely. Vince communicates the messages I want my son to hear in a far more clear and concise way than I could ever say. Consider using these as conversation starters. I encourage you to share these letters with the important men in your life.

Manly courage may not be what you think it is. This type of courage demonstrates real maturity as a man. A lot of men discover the power of this courage late in life. I thought it would be good to share with you this type of rare courage now, so you can practice while you are young. It will serve you well.

David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.”
— 2 Samuel 12:13

It was King David who made this confession. He was one of the prominent leaders of the Old Testament. And one of the attributes we remember about David was his courage. But David is remembered for this not just because of his courage in his battles with others, but even more because he was willing to battle with himself.

You see, men are made courageous by God. But courage is a result of being confronted with a challenge. Often this challenge exposes weakness and forces a man to come face-to-face with himself and his insecurities.

In the text I just read, Nathan confronted David about his sexual sin with a woman named Bathsheba and attempted to conceal the sin by murdering her husband, Uriah. It was a sin that he tried hard to conceal, which was now revealed. Busted by God, David confesses his sin to the only one he sinned against, which was God. And while David could have continued to hide from God by deflecting, denying, or blaming, he knew that hiding was not an option. So David takes a challenging and courageous step by confessing his sin.

I believe the greatest of men are willing to confess their mistakes. They are willing to verbalize what they have done wrong and have the security to admit it in their relationship with Christ. They courageously come out from behind, deflecting, denying, blaming, and concealing by revealing all they are to a God who already knows who they are. Thus confession is defined as “agreeing with God about who he already knows we are.” So in confession to God, we are not revealing something he doesn’t know. We are demonstrating in confession that we know that God knows. And this requires courage.

But this type of courage is only born in the willingness first to confess sin to God. You see, godly men who are courageous are not courageous by their own strength because they know that strength comes from God through their weakness. Courageous men trust in God’s strength to work through their weaknesses which spills over into other aspects of their life — like their leadership. Now it may look to the world like human strength mustered from courage, but it is not. It is a strength that comes from complete trust in God, who works through us.

For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.
— Romans 7:18-20

I love these words from the apostle Paul primarily because they make me feel normal. One of the most prominent early leaders, Paul, declares he was no different from you or me. He was a sinner saved by grace who daily struggled with sin. Just like I do. And just like you do.

Sometimes I think that we wrongly believe there are Christians out there who don’t struggle with sin. Maybe because many Christians are good at concealing their struggles with sin. But it’s sin that brings us together. And it’s grace that brings us to God. While it sounds counterintuitive, our battle with sin creates a connection with other believers who also struggle with sin. This is because everyone sins. Now we might all sin a little differently, but we still all sin. And in a way, we are connected because of this. Don’t believe me? Then attend an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting sometime and listen to how sin has brought these people together. You will hear story after story of men and women trying to figure out how to battle the war with their sin — together. And their mutual weaknesses manifested differently give comfort to each other. And together, they seek support and solutions, which are only found in God.

So given this, here is something for you to think about. Maybe an advantage that I can pass on to you. It comes from James, the half-brother of Jesus. He said:

Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.
— James 5:16

Over the years, I have underestimated the power of confessing my weaknesses and sin. Confession is something courageous men do. And when confession is done in brotherhood and immersed with prayer, notice the outcomes that James says proceed — power and healing.

This is why I was taken aback by your confession this last week. Strangely at that moment, I was reminded of all my failings in leadership. Leadership mistakes I made in high school, college, and even early in my career. For a few seconds, your confession connected me to you emotionally and spiritually. Yet, at the same time, it compelled me to encourage you to keep confessing — to stay in that place of great strength. So son, keep acknowledging your weaknesses and confessing your sin. Only the greatest of men and leaders do this. Because every time you make one of these confessions to me, your courage connects me to you and compels me to confess my heart and to give you guidance that will help you overcome the challenges you are facing.
Great job, son. I love you, Dad.

Sometimes I find an article that fits Team Quadzilla well so I’m compelled to share it with you. As we approach Father’s Day, I thought this encouragement about parenting was timely. For those who don’t care much for the Bible, I will only ask that you read this anyway because there are some practical ideas to help us be better parents. Enjoy this content from Dr. Eric Scalise.

What is encouragement and why is it so essential for maintaining healthy marriages and families? Encouragement represents positive influence, to literally give courage to someone—not waiting until it’s deserved or asked for, but taking initiative when things are difficult and uncertain. There are many synonyms one could use: to give support, confidence or hope to another; to hearten, cheer, uplift, inspire, motivate, vitalize, embolden, or rally. The impact can be far reaching and often makes a difference when relationships begin to falter. Even the neuroscience gives credence to this dynamic. Criticism and negativity release harmful stress hormones, inhibit concentration, diminish the brain’s executive functioning, and tend to create knee-jerk reactions vs. calm and rational thinking.

The Bible provides a wonderful example of a life fully lived under this principle. His name was Barnabas and there are several lessons we can draw from his story. Here are six worth considering:

1. The first thing about an encourager is that he or she is practical.

Barnabas arrives on the scene in Acts 4:36-37. He was just a regular “Joe” (Joseph, a Levite), but his nature was so uplifting and encouraging, that the Apostles changed his name to fit his character—Bar (the Son of) Encouragement. He sold some land and laid the money at the Apostle’s feet. Here were the leaders of the first century church who were trying to take care of widows and orphans, and what they needed at the time were financial resources—so practical in the moment.

While attending to someone spiritually is always appropriate and helpful, we shouldn’t neglect looking for ways to encourage the people we love on practical levels as well. Perhaps you have heard the saying, “We can become so heavenly-minded, we are no earthly good.” Imagine if your nickname was “husband” or “wife” of encouragement. . .father or mother of encouragement. Sometimes our spouse or child needs a simple hug, an act of service, a helping hand, or an arm around the shoulder that says, “I love you.” Let your encouragement today be practical.

2. Second, an encourager is a risk taker.

In Acts 9:26-27, Barnabas stood up for Saul when no one else believed in his conversion and everyone was still afraid of him. He took a risk when others wanted to reject Saul for his behavior. Love has the ability to look past brokenness and pain, even sinful choices, and still see God at work in the midst of a situation. Loving and caring for someone can be risky and often requires us to be authentic and to move beyond our comfort zones.

Marriage and parenting offer numerous opportunities to forgive when we have been hurt or a sacred trust has been violated. Being open and transparent in a marital or family relationship, especially in sharing thoughts, emotions, hurts, etc., can mean stepping “outside the box.” There are no guarantees that we will be immune from the storms of life on this side of eternity. However, in Christ, risks are frequently overcome with steps of faith. Take a risk today—encourage your loved one by being vulnerable.

3. Third, an encourager is committed.

When Barnabas was sent to Antioch and got among the people, the Scriptures says he began to encourage them with everything he had (Acts 11:19-24). The words describe him as having a “resolute heart.” In the Greek, this is translated as prosthesis kardia, which literally means, “purposed in the will.” This was part of who Barnabas was and his sense of calling.

In the same way, when we walk down the aisle with someone and pledge vows, or choose to bring a son or daughter into the world, we need to be committed as “all in” when it comes to our own role and responsibilities as spouses and parents. In some ways, success can be defined as falling down seven times and getting up eight. Great marriages and great parenting are not created by 50-50 commitments, thinking this represents a whole relationship, but after two people each give 100%. When Cortez landed in the New World, he burned his ships; it signified there was but one direction in moving forward. Find a way to encourage your spouse or a child that indicates you’re all in.

4. Fourth, an encourager is others-centered.

Shortly after arriving in Antioch, Barnabas turned his thoughts toward his good friend, Saul (Acts 11:25-26). He knew he had to share this blessing and not be consumed with his own sense of self-importance. Inviting others into your journey underscores the reality that we were created by God in relationship and for relationship. He never intended for us to be alone and take a solo flight through life.

Marriages and families are composed of individuals who each have their own set of expectations, desires, hopes, dreams, and plans. We all need to grow in the practice of “relational gift-giving.” Here, we can proactively choose to focus on our spouse or child and consider what would bless them, please them, support them, and draw them closer to God. Encourage your loved ones and make this moment, this hour, this day, a celebration of who they are.

5. Fifth, an encourager is available.

While in Antioch, the Lord commissioned and directed the very first missionary journey (Acts 13:1-3). Immediately, Barnabas and Paul made themselves available and were sent out. This implies an ongoing state of preparation and anticipation, a willingness to lay down one’s own ideas, plans, and desires for the benefit of others. Leaders often understand more can depend on a person’s availability before God than necessarily his or her ability.

Making ourselves available to the Lord, as well as to our spouses and children, can open up the doors of opportunity for deeper relationships, ministry, healing, and transformation. For many, time is one of the most valuable commodities in today’s fast-paced world. Sharing it with a loved one is a wonderful gift. It says, “Here I am. . .for you. . .for us. To listen, to care, to serve.” The power of presence should never be underestimated. God can accomplish much in a marriage or family through vessels who are fully yielded to Him. Be an encourager and offer yourself in love.

6. Finally, an encourager is patient.

During the first missionary journey, Barnabas took along his young cousin, John Mark, who later left them in the middle of the trip. On a subsequent journey when Paul suggested they visit all the churches that were started, Barnabas wanted Mark to join them once again. However, Paul accused Mark of desertion and he and Barnabas had such a significant argument, they parted company. Paul took Silas and Barnabas took Mark (Acts 15:36-40). Barnabas remained patient and longsuffering with his cousin.

There are times when loving someone means standing with him or her in the middle of major mistakes and shortcomings. The first descriptor of love is that it is patient (1 Cor. 13). We have all probably heard incredible testimonies that speak to the power of a praying mother. Who will continue believing in, advocating for, and supporting our spouse, son or daughter? Encourage that family member through your unwavering, patient, and unconditional love.

As I close, let us examine the fruit of encouragement. In 2 Timothy 4:11, Paul is imprisoned and in the twilight of his life on the earth. He says, “Only Luke is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful to me in my ministry.” Later, in 1 Peter 5:13, when writing to the believers who were scattered because of persecution, Peter says, “She who is in Babylon, chosen together with you, sends you her greetings, and so does my son Mark.”

Even though we hear very little about Barnabas or Mark after they parted company with Paul, these verses reveal that somewhere along the journey, this young disciple “made it.” The one who had failed miserably, moved into a place of responsibility and maturity. Here, we see the two preeminent Apostles of the first century who are strongly supportive and complimentary of Mark—Paul saying he was useful to him and Peter referring to him as a son in the faith. God Himself allowed Mark to write one of the four Gospels. Although Scripture is largely silent on the matter, I believe the fact that Mark was able to work through whatever issues he had, was because Barnabas refused to give up on him and was willing to stick it out during the long journey.

You potentially may be the most influential person in your spouse’s or child’s life. . . in the best position to support, pray for, believe in, and journey with him or her in all the ups and downs. The gift of encouragement is within you right now. May the outcome be as equally transforming as it was for John Mark.

Tag: encouragement

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