Liberating Your Mind from the Ugly Voice You Hear
Are you the type of person that is really hard on yourself? Or maybe you find that others are often letting you down or disappointing you? Either way, I invite you to consider an idea about mental fitness that may surprise you… and change your outlook forever.
I received some helpful advice through a book I recently read called Us In Mind by Ted Lowe. It’s a book about mental fitness related to marriage, but the applications apply to everyone because we all have important relationships. The relationship with ourselves is important too. This may be one that you haven’t paid much attention to, but you need to. I need to. This is not about self-focus, or even self-love, a popular idea in the mental health world. It’s about understanding how our brains are wired, how ego works, and how we can renew our minds to put the lies we often tell ourselves in their proper place and live in the truth and freedom of who we are. There is much I could say about this topic, but for now, I want to address one idea.
There is great power to naming that voice in our head that feeds us with the doubts and fears we carry. You know what I’m talking about. The voice that makes it hard to take a chance, try something new, do the hard thing even though you know it’s the right thing, to say yes, or to say no, to go for it though it’s risky. The voice that leads with excuses, blame-shifting, justifications, judgment, temptation, and all kinds of negativity.
We all have this voice. Naming this voice means we understand it more, thus taking some of the mystery out of what is happening between our ears. Therefore we can more easily ignore or at least not believe it. I have such a voice in my head and it can be relentless and very convincing. But now that I know who it is and how it tries to destroy me, I find it easier to fight against it. I know it sounds weird, but naming it helps.
The ugly voice in my head is named Igor. He wants me to be like him: frustrated, angry, impatient, self-focused, unhappy, and discouraged. He does this by telling me I’m no good, I’m afraid, I’m too old, unable, and ugly, unworthy of love or respect, a disappointment, broken, ashamed, guilty, and rejected. At the same time, this menace tells me I deserve more, and should get what I want and now. He is a pro at knocking me down when good things happen and keeping me down when things get hard. Igor is a liar. Igor is a thief of peace, joy, confidence, and fulfillment. Igor is a literal Monster, a Psycho in my Head, getting his good time kicks trying to destroy me. He labels me, tempts me, shames me, blames me, and convinces me I’m less than. And he’s very good at it. Igor is a jerk, a bully, and a diabolical enemy.
Sound remotely familiar? Maybe your voice is a different kind of bully.
Your voice says you are the hero of every story, even when you aren’t. He makes you think more highly of yourself than you should, such that all your problems are other people’s fault. He says your life isn’t fair, and is an expert at the blame game. He wants you to be frustrated, arrogant, bitter, angry at others, constantly saying things like, “Nobody understands you. You know so much more. Why don’t they listen to you? You are so right. They are so wrong. If only they would do it your way, this would all be better.” He wants you to be just like him: frustrated, angry, on edge, impatient, controlling, and out of love. This voice wants you to get from others (like your spouse) what they were never intended or able to give. Expecting others to meet all your emotional needs sneakily rules your thoughts. He makes you believe your spouse (or others) have what you need, but they just won’t give it to you. Your voice whispers such things to make you defensive, or to escape and withdraw physically or emotionally.
Regardless of the angle your voice takes, it can become louder than the voice of truth. This is a big problem because as the proverb says, “As a man thinks, so he is.” No wonder depression and suicide are at all-time highs. No wonder substance abuse runs rampant. No wonder relationships are so hard. We are buying the lies of this voice in our heads and it’s making a mess of everything. Behavior change doesn’t last when this bully is relentlessly tormenting us, so we feel helpless to change, hopeless to conquer our minds.
But there is good news. The God of all creation made you and me in his image. You and I are his image bearers on this earth given important work to do – a special purpose that is unique to each of us. And it is good. He ultimately fulfills the deepest desires of our souls. God’s voice also calls out to us but his message is very different, and even more powerful than the voice of the jerk in your head. Here are just a few things God wants us to know about who we really are, and it’s the truth. I’m working to build a habit of reminding myself of these things.
Here’s what I say to myself, and it can apply to you as well:
What’s true is I belong to God. I am his son whom he loves dearly. I have infinite value to God. Nothing I’ve said or done can add or subtract from what has already been determined to be true of me. I am loved. I am valued. I am accepted. I matter. By his Spirit living in me,** I know God is always with me and for me, even when I mess up or feel down. As an image bearer of God, I have all I need to be the man he has made me for. My purpose is unique and only I can do it, making my work as his ambassador very important and fulfilling. God has rescued me from my old self and is preparing a place for me with him for eternity. With eternity secured now, I can live free today – relieved of the pressure and stress to perform, pursue, and strive for worldly, temporary things the enemy wants me to believe will give me what I want- happiness, peace, fulfillment, and purpose. I already have these things and they are apparent when I take my focus off me and the voice of Igor and keep my eyes on Jesus instead – loving, serving, and giving to others as he does.
Reviewing and repeating the truth about who I am and denying space in my head for Igor is a great way to fortify mental fitness. Doing so boosts courage and confidence, improves relationships, and helps focus energy on what matters most so you can live the life of freedom and purpose that you really want.
Bold claim? Maybe. But it works great for me. When Igor speaks, I can say, “Remember who I am.” Then review these words above about who God says I am. After all, isn’t God’s opinion the only one that counts?
If you don’t get anything else out of this article, please remember this: How you think about yourself, and how you deal with the voices in your head matters a lot. What you think about yourself radically determines how others (including your spouse) experience you – and that radically affects your relationship. What you believe about yourself changes everything about you, so practice seeing yourself the way God sees you and embrace the blessings of life without your Igor running your mind.
What’s the name of the jerk in your head?
P.S. Take a break and jam with me. Watch the videos for Monster and Psycho in My Head for some music that reinforces this idea. And consider reading Us In Mind.
**God’s Holy Spirit was imparted to me when I surrendered my life to God, receiving Jesus as my Lord and Savior thus securing my place with him for all eternity. And all this not because of any good I’ve done (Ephesians 2:8-9), but because of Jesus’ loving sacrifice on the cross – giving his perfect life for my sinful one so I can be seen as righteous in God’s eyes. This gift of salvation is available to all who will confess with their mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in their heart that God raised Jesus from the dead. Romans 10:9-10
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