Fortitude, Personal Development

Goal Setting Myths

the-goal-setting-guide

Today is a great day to set a goal for yourself. We often need motivation to do hard things, so setting a goal can provide the push we need to get it done.However, we are also easily discouraged when we fail at achieving our goals, and that failure makes it harder to try again. To give ourselves the best chance to achieve our goal, we will be wise to heed the following advice from Michael Hyatt. Below are a few myths about goal setting that I find especially helpful. What is your goal?

1. Your past determines your future.
This is false IF you are willing to change your approach. Challenge this myth by changing your belief about yourself and the outcome you desire.
2. Safe goals are the best goals.
Boo hiss. Safe goals are not compelling. There’s a powerful link between the difficulty of your goal and your performance, satisfaction, enthusiasm, and happiness. Go beyond your natural urge to play it safe and set a big, hairy, audacious goal.
3. You fail if you fall short.
This is only true if you only measure the gap. Measure the GAIN instead and focus on how far you’ve come. When you look at why you fell short, you’ll likely find ways to improve. Recognize your progress and be encouraged & motivated to stick with it. The only true failure is not trying in the first place.
4. Writing goals is not necessary.
Ever build a house without blueprints? Ever travel without some kind of itinerary? Then why trust your goals & dreams to memory alone? Write goals. Period. Post them where you can see them often. Internalize them, see your future self with the goal accomplished, and be regularly spurred by the thing you committed to.
5. Specificity doesn’t matter.
Remove all the guesswork in a vague goal by specifying HOW, and WHEN for example. Goals like “exercise more” or “lose 20 lbs.” are not specific enough. Answer how and when you will do these things, make a plan/ schedule where you can mark of intermediate milestones, and set yourself up for success!

 

 

 

Fortitude, Personal Development

Failing Forward

failing forwardI like to read books. I read to learn much more often than I read for an entertaining story. Sometimes I get through a book that really speaks to me. Failing Forward is impactful to say the least. I highly recommend it for your personal development regardless of age, career, personality, etc. You can benefit from the encouragement in this book. However, if you aren’t likely to read the book, maybe you can read my notes on it here along with some personal commentary from my experience.

First let me just say that fear of failing is a big deal for me. I’ve struggled with it my entire life. I was the kid that was so afraid to try something new because I didn’t want to fail at it. I sure wasn’t going to let anyone see me fail if I could help it. I would first study, watch, analyze the thing, play my moves over and over in my head until I was certain that I could do it and do it well. If not, I would practice in secret until I got it down, then reveal to all that I could do it as if it were no big deal. I captured the story about learning to ride a bike in a short video HERE. Kinda funny.

The issue didn’t disappear over time just because I supposedly grew up. In fact the mindset of fear and aversion to failure just grew deeper and more difficult to overcome in some instances. I’m certain that my fear to risk has stunted my career and limited my potential as a leader. But not all is lost my friends! This old dog is still learning, still working on me so I can be my best for those people who count on me the most. If you can relate, keep reading and I hope you find some inspiration and encouragement to fail forward.

The following is taken directly from Maxwell’s book. It’s a summary of my favorite lines. 203 pages reduced to one short list. You’re welcome.

15 Steps to Failing Forward

  1. Realize there is one major difference between average people and achieving people. The difference is their perception of and response to failure. No matter how difficult your problems, the key to overcoming them is not changing your circumstances, it’s changing yourself. Changing yourself is a process that starts with a desire to be teachable.Three-feet-from-gold
  2. Learn a new definition of failure. “Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” – Thomas Edison  Regard failure as the price you pay for progress.
  3. Remove the “you” from failure. James Allen – “A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thought.” People who don’t give up keep trying because they don’t base their self-worth on their  performance. Take responsibility for your failures, but don’t take them personally.
  4. Take action and reduce your fear. Don’t wait for motivation to magically inspire you to act. Just do it. Exercise, eat right, love sacrificially, kick a bad habit, whatever the thing is, DO IT without motivation and then it happens. Your motivation comes AFTER you do the thing and makes it easier for you to keep on doing it. act into feelingYou are more likely to act yourself into feeling than feeling yourself into action. So act! DO whatever it is that you know you should do.
  5. Change your response to failure by accepting responsibility. If you always do what you’ve always done, then you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten. “Ninety percent of all those who fail are not actually defeated. They simply quit.” – Paul J. Meyer “It is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences of our responsibilities.” – Sire Josiah Stamp
  6. Don’t let failure from outside get inside you. Failure and success is an inside job. conquer2The battleground is between your ears. If you want to achieve, you have to win the war in your thinking first. “Handicaps can only disable us if we let them. This is true not only of physical challenges, but mental and emotional as well…I believe real and lasting limitations are created in our minds, not our bodies.” – Roger Crawford.
  7. Say good-bye to yesterday. You will not be able to be your best today until you say good-bye to yesterday. Today may be your day to turn the hurts of your past into a breakthrough for the future. Don’t allow anything from your personal history to keep holding you hostage.
  8. Change yourself, and your world changes. If you are not happy with your job, your family situation, or life, look at what you can change in yourself before trying to alter your circumstances.  “The circumstances of life, the events of life, and the people around me do not make me the way I am, but reveal the way I am.” – Sam Peoples Jr.
  9. Get over yourself and start giving yourself. A major cause of negative thinking and poor mental health is self-absorption. Generous people are rarely mentally ill. If you tend to take yourself too seriously, give yourself and others a break. Recognize that laughter breeds resilience.
  10. Find the benefit in every bad experience. trust_the_processWe tend to overestimate the event and underestimate the process. Every fulfilled dream occurred because of dedication to a process. To achieve your dreams you must embrace adversity and make failure a regular part of your life. If you’re not failing you’re probably not really moving forward. Journaling is good for this.
  11. If at first you do succeed, try something harder. Risk must be evaluated not by the fear in generates in you or the probability of success, but in the value of the goal.
  12. Learn from a bad experience and make it a good experience. Ben Franklin – “The things which hurt, instruct.” Your attitude toward failure determines your altitude after failure. When a person has the right mind set, every obstacle introduces him to himself. “Learning is defined by a change in behavior. You haven’t learned a thing until you take action and use it.” – Don Shula
  13. Work on the weakness that weakens you. Take a sober self-assessment. Real success lies in experiencing fear or aversion and acting in spite of it.

Top 10 Ways People Get in Their Own Way

Poor People Skills Learn how to get along with other people. Period.

A Negative Attitude Learn to make the best of any  situation.

A Bad Fit Sometimes a case of mismatched abilities, interests, personality, or values can be a major contributor to chronic failure.

Lack of Focus People lacking focus are not too busy, but have priorities out of whack.

A Weak Commitment The last time you failed, did you stop trying because you failed, or did you fail because your stopped trying?

An Unwillingness to Change If you resist change, you’re really resisting success. Learn flexibility, or learn to like living with your failures.

A Shortcut Mind-Set If  you continually give in to your moods or impulses, then you need to change your approach to doing things. Set standards for yourself that require accountability. Suffering a consequence for not following through helps you stay on track.

Relying on Talent Alone Adding a strong work ethic to talent is like pouring gasoline on a fire. It’s explosive!

A Response to Poor Information “Expect only 5% of an intelligence report to be accurate. The trick of a good commander is to isolate the 5%.” – General Douglas MacArthur.

No Goals Many people don’t have goals because they haven’t allowed themselves to dream. No dream= no desire. If that describes you, then you must look deep within yourself to determine WHY you are on this planet. Once you know that, you’ll know what to shoot for.

14. Understand there is not much difference between failure and success. Having a sense of purpose is the fuel that powers persistence in the midst of adversity. “Ninety-nine percent of failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses.” – George Washington Carver

15. Get up, get over it, and get going. It’s what you do after you get back up that counts. Nothing of value is achieved without taking risks. Winning usually follows losing.

  • Finalize your Goal
  • Order your plans.
  • Risk failing by taking action
  • Welcome mistakes
  • Advance based on your character
  • Reevaluate your progress continually
  • Develop new strategies to succeed

You made it! You read this far because this subject struck a chord with you. Or maybe because you are determined to not read the whole book, but wanted to get the high points. Either way, mission accomplished.

Fortitude

Change Is Messy

change is messy

WATCH THE VIDEO

I know what’s happening right now. You do, too.

We’re already 3 months into the year and the dreams and promises (aka “Resolutions”) we made to ourselves are all but forgotten in our rear view mirror. We become discouraged because it’s really hard to change. Life happens. Circumstances are out of our control. It stinks, but many of us are just done. We’ve given up.

Listen, whatever habit you want to change or behavior you want to adopt, we’ve got to remember that change is messy. We’re going to fall down, scrape our knee, get dirty, fail. It’s always up to us what we will do about the messiness of change. Regardless of life circumstances or the obstacles in the way, WE must DECIDE:

-to take a long term view of things

-to get back up when we fall

-to NEVER quit

-to embrace the mess

-to own our choices and mistakes

So if you’re falling off those 6 a.m. workouts or slipping up on that hour a day you wanted to set aside for working on your dream/ goal/ promise, guess what?

WATCH THE VIDEO

 

 

 

Fitness

10 Reasons Why You Hate Working Out

Why You Don’t Like Working Out, And How to Improve Exercise Motivation

Why you hate it: It’s boring.

Solution: For some people, there’s nothing worse than running. Others hate swimming. And still others would rather get a root canal than lift weights at the gym. That’s why it’s important to try a variety of exercise styles to find what most appeals to you. There are tons of different types of workouts that appeal to all types of people. My guess is that if you think exercise is boring, you just haven’t found something you like. Try something new.

I can help you find interesting ways to get moving, or you can head to Beachbody On Demand for a selection of more than 40 different workout programs for all fitness levels and cover everything from weightlifting to yoga. Check out this guide to get an overview of the most popular options.

Why you hate it: It’s not fun to workout alone.

Solution: A good workout buddy can boost your enjoyment, and studies show that it can even encourage you to exercise more often. When it comes to working out, being accountable to another person can also go a long way towards keeping you on track with your schedule.

Working out in a group can multiply the benefits — especially when it comes to exercise enjoyment. Some have found great success with a group at the gym or in virtual/ online groups.  Conversely, working out alone CAN be fun and very rewarding if you have a personally compelling reason WHY you are working out. When your mission is greater than your fears & excuses, you will mysteriously find joy in the process – even when you are doing it alone.

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Why you hate it: It’s exhausting.

Solution: When you get home from a long day at work, all you want to do is plant your butt on the couch; trying to summon enough energy to exercise is the last thing on your mind. But research shows that physical activity can increase energy levels rather than sap them. Working out could be just what you need to have a productive end to your day.

But if you just can’t pick yourself up in the evening, pick a time of day to work out when you’re typically more energized, and when you can work out consistently. That last part is key. As the saying goes “the best time to work out is the time when you will work out.”

Why you hate it: You’re afraid you’re going to fail.

Solution: Sometimes it feels easier to avoid a task altogether than to risk falling short of your goal. If you never start trying to lose weight, then you can’t fail at it, right?

This is why Baby Steps are key: They help you work towards something you can actually achieve. “It’s important to set small, reasonable goals for yourself,” Dr. Leo Marvin says. Acknowledging your success can be a huge step forward in making the workout plan more enjoyable. When you hit a goal, celebrate it and set the next baby step.

Truthfully, the only way to fail on your healthy living journey is to never start, or to give up. This is a journey – filled with ups and downs, progress and setbacks. Embrace the journey and press on. Your future self will thank you for conquering your fear.

Why you hate it: You don’t like getting sweaty.

Solution: Unfortunately, in order to lose weight or gain strength, you’ll need to put in some hard work and get sweaty at some point. To avoid having to repeat your ‘get ready for work routine’, time your intense workouts to the beginning or end of your day.

Fortunately, you don’t have to subscribe to a gut-busting, sweat-soaked workout every single day. There are low-impact and low-intensity exercises that can give you a decent calorie burn without sweating buckets. Try activities like yoga or walking. Research suggests that you can gain major health benefits from a simple 30-minute walking routine. It’s enough to get your heart rate up, but won’t leave you soaked and smelly.

Why you hate it: It takes up too much time.

Solution: Whether you have a demanding job, no childcare, or both, it can be a challenge to find time to exercise. This is the most common excuse I hear for why people don’t exercise. To get over this hurdle, start small, and make exercise a non-negotiable must-do. Schedule it like you would a recurring business meeting. Start treating exercise like a key part of your day instead of a perpetual afterthought.

Break up your workout into short intervals throughout the day if you aren’t able to find a time to get everything done at once. I shared some excellent body weight workouts you can do anywhere anytime that really work. Try “habit stacking.” Simply add a few minutes of exercise on top of something else you already do every day, like doing some push-ups after you brush your teeth. You don’t have to work out for very long to notice a benefit (research shows that even a few minutes of intense exercise per week can improve cardiovascular fitness), but you do have to be consistent.

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Why you hate it: You can’t afford or don’t want to pay for a gym membership

Solution: Access to workout facilities and equipment can play a major role in sticking with a workout routine. So why add extra obstacles like a gym membership or tons of gear into the mix when they’re not necessary? Angie and I exercise in our living room with minimal equipment. Though we have different expressions after our workouts, it sure beats going to the gym! With Beachbody On Demand‘s extensive exercise library, which includes more than 600 fat-blasting workouts that can be done in a six foot-by-six foot area — we never get bored, and don’t have to leave home. Not only does working out at home save you the money of a gym membership, but it also lets you exercise on your own time.

Why you hate it: It’s embarrassing to work out in front of other people.

Solution: Exercise is supposed to relieve stress, not contribute to it. If you make yourself work out in an environment where you feel judged, it’s likely you won’t stick with it. This is a big reason why at-home workouts are so appealing. Being able to exercise in the privacy of your own living room removes the fear of being judged by others. It also allows you to slow down and learn new exercises at your own pace, instead of feeling pressured to do it right the first time.

Why you hate it: You’re really out of shape.

Solution: The first few days or weeks of a new exercise program are often the hardest. Even when you do muster the energy to work out, new moves often leave you feeling tired and sore in places you didn’t even know existed. To avoid this, take steps to prevent muscle soreness so you don’t get discouraged. Start slowly, and gradually increase your effort and intensity based on how you feel after each successive workout.

What you eat after working out can also optimize your recovery and help prevent soreness. Beachbody Performance Recover is made with 20 grams of protein to aid muscle repair and growth, and it contains pomegranate extract, which has been shown to reduce muscle soreness.

Additionally, listen to your body and schedule rest and recovery days when needed. Getting enough sleep, stretching, and eating well is extremely important. Try not to work the same muscle groups really hard on consecutive days.

Why you hate it: It’s all just too overwhelming.

Solution: The sheer volume of fitness advice in the world can be intimidating. That’s why it’s vital to not overcomplicate the process of getting started. Keep it simple: Think about what sounds like fun and really go for it. Just DO something. Yoda says, “Do or don’t do, there is no try.” Exercising is still work. Results take time and effort, so don’t give up when it gets difficult. Make the commitment to yourself to get on the healthy living train and stay there. One baby step at a time. Be stronger than your excuses. You can do this!

 

Special thanks to Mackenzie Lobby Havey and the Team Beachbody blog for doing the heavy lifting on this article!