teamquadzilla

Lured By Sin | Letter To My Son

March 3, 2021September 29, 2020 teamquadzilla

I’m sharing a series of “letters” originally written by Vince Miller. I regard Vince as a trusted resource for wisdom and insight on faith and family especially as it pertains to men and fathers. His bio is at the bottom of the post. Look him up. What follows is his work entirely. Vince communicates the messages I want my son to hear in a far more clear and concise way than I could ever say. Consider using these as conversation starters. I encourage you to share these letters with the important men in your life.

Knowledge of God’s Word is a bulwark against deception, temptation, accusation, even persecution.
Ed Cole

Son, at some point, you are going to become aware of the deceptiveness of sin. You will be lured in by it. It will hook you, and you will be held captive in its clutches.

Think about the process of deception like a fisherman thinks about the sport of fishing. His aim—to deceive a fish by baiting and hooking it, to eventually filet, cook, and feast on it. Regardless of how poorly I do this, the same principle applies to the enticement, baiting, and hooking that men encounter daily when it comes to sin. The taste of the bait is different based on the sin, but the bait is presented the same way in every instance. If you learn how we are enticed by sin, you will be better prepared to resist the temptation, and even make better decisions to avoid temptation when sin seeks to lure and reel you in. The following three baits should empower you to make better advanced decisions. All three are observed in the first temptation in the Bible. And remember this is an interaction the serpent has with the woman who is baiting her to act in disobedience to God.

Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.'” But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”—Genesis 3:1-5

BAIT ONE | God Doesn’t Let You Do Anything

Did God actually say, “You shall not eat of any tree in the garden?”
Genesis 3:2

So what’s happening here? It’s cunning if you read it carefully.

The serpent is inviting the woman to question the one moral rule of God. And man was given this rule long before the woman was created. And it was a single moral command. Not two. Not even ten—that was later. Just one. Here is how God communicated the original command:

And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, “You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.”—Genesis 2:16-17

If you read it carefully a few times, you will notice some differences between God’s original declaration and the serpent’s statement. While God said “every tree” was permissible except one, the serpent presented an interesting spin; that they were not allowed to eat from “any tree.” Thus, we see the first bait is presented, which leads to an enticing exchange of questioning God’s truth.

Now note; when it comes to life, we should ask great questions. Dialogue is necessary. But when these dialogues lead us down the stream of questioning truth, we need to examine the process and even consider the potential consequence. Please always go back to the truth, in God’s Word, and do what God instructs, staying close to God’s original intent and meaning. Since we are innately sinful, selfish desires will kick in, and they will entice us with questions that attempt to blur the lines between obedience and disobedience. This is a dangerous and sometimes fatal first step that leads to many others. Be careful to search for the truth, not your version of the truth, that causes you to question the truth of God.

Now had this been the only bait set, perhaps the woman would not have sinned. But there is another powerbait presented.

BAIT TWO | God Is Lying To You

“You will not surely die.
Genesis 3:4

You have to remember that our enemy knows the truth, and he knows it well. And because he knows the truth so well, even better than some Christians, he presents the truth and leaves most of it intact to only hook you with falsehood. Note the statement of the serpent. He proclaims a partial truth and therefore suggests that God is lying and concealing something from her. He could have said it this way.

“You will not surely die, today but die you will. And by the way, the bonus is spiritual death and separation from God.”

But in your life, the voice of the serpent sounds a lot like you! It’s after all the voice of your private desires.

The seductive voice of self-rationalization is powerful bait because you know what you want more than anyone else. And sometimes you’ll want something so badly you will convince yourself that a small diversion is okay. This will come in self-talk that sounds like this:

“I’ll do it just once.”
“No one will ever know.”
“I won’t get caught.”
“It’s not that wrong.”
“You will not surely die.”

The sound of this voice should bring a pause in your life. Justification and self-rationalization should signal that the hook is about to be set. At all costs, stop the process immediately. Get counsel from Christian men and instruction from God’s Word. Do not continue! For once the third bait is presented, it’s hard to turn and swim away.

BAIT THREE | God’s A Deceiver

For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.
Genesis 3:5

Now, this is insidious. The serpent wants the woman to believe that God is a selfish concealer, which is downright deceit. But he has brought the woman a long way down the road of temptation. First, he gets her to question the truth; then, he spins the truth, now he feeds her the ultimate untruth—God knows and deceiving you. And concurrently, there is also the chance to become something greater—you can be “like God.”

Son, this is the penultimate bait. We want to be like God. We desire power, knowledge, and control. This man and woman did have their eyes opened, but with it, it did not produce the intended result—instead, it resulted in separation from God.

Now, you may think you have no desire to be like God, but all men do. Just get a small taste of power, and you’ll want more like every man. It’s simply unquenchable. And it’s this drive for power, knowledge, and control that takes men downstream into hideous sin.

So, son, you will sin. You’ve probably already done so today. But remember these baits, they are unchanging. And when you are baited by temptation and sin, get back up again, lean on God’s grace, and keep moving as a man of God, till the Day sin is no more.

I love you sin and all, but live in the truth and grace of God—Dad.

Vince Miller is an author and speaker to men around the world on topics that include manhood, masculinity, fatherhood, mentorship, and leadership. He has authored 18 different books for men and is hosted on major video platforms like RightNow Media and Faithlife TV. He hosts a weekly podcast, writes weekly articles, and provides daily thoughts from God’s Word all just for men. He is a 27-year ministry veteran and the founder of Resolute a Men’s Ministry Platform that provides bible studies aimed at building better men found at www.beresolute.org. See his latest book and small group study Called to Act: 5 Uncomplicated Disciplines for Men.

Family, Fortitude

ConQuer Your Past Pains

February 24, 2021January 14, 2021 teamquadzilla

If you’ve been ALIVE for any length of time, then you have pains. I’m talking about emotional pain. We all carry some “baggage” from our past – things we’ve said and done, or the things that others have said or done to us. It hurts bad. Or maybe we’ve become numb to the pain and we just kind of exist with it, like a prisoner on a life sentence with no chance for parole. Such pains are impossible to forget and seemingly impossible to get past. There is a desire to “get over it,” move on, and no longer allow the past pain to affect our attitude, outlook, and behavior today, but it’s hard. Are you nodding your head with me?

So how do you get over the past? The million dollar question has a pretty simple answer. Simple, but not easy. The first step is to realize what you’re REALLY trying to accomplish. What does it REALLY mean to get over the past?

You can’t change what happened. There’s no time machine that can send you back to relive the past. What’s done is done.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that your situation is hopeless. What I’m saying is that you first have to be clear about what you can and cannot change. You CAN get over your past (as I’ll explain). But you can NOT change events that already occurred.

The good news is that you don’t have to change the past in order to get over it. What you have to change is the MEANING of the past.

Think for a moment. Was there ever a time in your life when something horrible happened and you thought, “Why is this happening to me?” But then a few years later you looked back and you could answer that question. In retrospect, you understood why it happened. At first, it seemed like the world was caving in. Later, it all made sense.

In fact, very often, we eventually realize that bad times are part of a process that leads to something good!

It’s the events that FOLLOW bad times that determine the ultimate meaning of those times. In other words, it’s your future that determines your past; not the other way around. And since YOU are in charge of your future, then YOU determine the meaning of your past.

It’s interesting to think about this in the context of an age-old question: Do we have free choice or is everything predetermined? The answer is YES. Everything is predetermined AND we have free choice.

It’s like when you play a card game. You get dealt a hand. And you have no control over the cards you get dealt. It’s predetermined.

But you also get to play that hand. You also have free choice.

Ultimately, it’s the COMBINATION of the hand you’re dealt and the way you play it that determines the outcome. And it’s the outcome that shapes your view of the original hand you were dealt.

God deals you a hand. There’s nothing you can do to change that. But you get to play that hand. You get to respond to the events of your life. And it’s your response, your actions in the future, which determine the meaning of the events in your past.

So how do you get over the past? You don’t have to get over the past. The past is over! What’s important is the MEANING the past has for you NOW. And the MEANING of your past is determined by your actions in the future.

The people who have the best lives/ marriages/ relationships are people who went through hell in some way. They “got over” their past because they used it as a catalyst to IMPROVE their situation. In other words, the painful events inspired them to change themselves.

If you make the right moves, you will come to view certain events as birth pains that led to a new AND IMPROVED life/ marriage/ relationship. THAT’S how you “get over” the past.

It’s strange how life works sometimes, but if you play your hand right, your hurts become part of your healing. And, in fact, when it comes to relationships, it’s usually bad times that awaken people to search for new ways.

Thanks to Mort Fertel for doing the heavy lifting on this article. I’m grateful for his insight on the illustration about the cards we are dealt.

faith, Family, Personal Development

Being A Student of Marriage

February 17, 2021December 22, 2020 teamquadzilla

The following is direct from a trusted resource called Hitting Home with Dr. Raymond Force. He is a pastor, speaker, counselor, and coach who is passionate about helping people enjoy healthy relationships. I found the following to “hit home” with me because I’m an avid learner with special interest in personal development and human behavior. I agree very much with what he shares about his own experience, and am convicted to do a better job at sharing what I learn with my spouse as part of my leadership responsibility at home. I trust you will find encouragement from Dr. Force’s message as I have.

Consumers Consume Themselves – Dr. Force

Lately, I have been analyzing my own marriage. I have been looking at key components that have enabled us to connect at a very high level for the last 26 years.

One of those components involves a spirit of learning that has been present at almost every stage of our marriage.

The scriptures tell us “with all thy getting get understanding”. (Proverbs 4:7) In short, we are to be a people that covet and yearn after knowledge more than anything else in life.

By God’s grace, I believe my wife and I have been learners rather than feelers in life. This is important because when spouses are just feeling their way through life, they only tend to change once the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.

There have been many couples that I have coached and counseled that are feelers instead of learners. One of my main goals with these couples has been to encourage a spirit of learning in their homes.

Some of these very same couples, however, proved to be slow at moving from a feelings-dominated approach to a principled-driven approach to living. Consequently, I was often left with one option with these couples: Provide listening support and wait for the pain of staying the same to become greater than the pain of change once their unlearned ways bore the fruit of bad feeling and disunity. Once this occurred, they would often change, but only after their poor choices would evoke difficult feelings in their lives.

Afterwards, these very same spouses would often admit that they should have listened to our original advice. However, since they were feelers instead of learners, the blueness of the wound was often required to cleanse away evil.

Trial and error may work, but it is often time consuming, unnecessary, and heart-wrenching.

My Wife and I

My wife and I read, listen, and watch people all the time. We try to be aware of 10 things happening around us at all times.

Upon seeing each other, we will often start a conversation by stating something that we read or noticed about other people or ourselves that day. Quite simply, we can often be found hashing out wisdom with one another, and this has proved to provide a number of pleasant unintended consequences for us:

1. It raises our marriage to a level outside of ourselves.

You will never be a part of something great unless you operate outside of yourself. We are mortals created to operate in an immortal atmosphere. If all you do is follow your flesh and the passions thereof, you will never quite function at optimum capacity.

2. It takes the focus off of our mistakes.

I say it all the time. If my wife and I wanted to, we could bring plenty of case files to our little emotional skirmishes that we have from time to time. However, setting our minds and conversations on things above (Colossians 3) has a way of making even our mistakes toward one another seem a little smaller.

3. It provides an incredible point of connection.

I feel so sorry for couples that are not learners. Without a spirit of learning in a marriage, couples are left to trying to find unity in merely mutual hobbies, exciting forms of entertainment, or fun activities. Though I am not against any of the previously mentioned bonding points, there must be something more than these in order for couples to connect at a deeper level.

A Charge to Men

I am a firm believer than most men need to shut the door on the man cave and go back to the study. Read, talk about what you are learning, and promote teachable moments in your home.

A family that only consumes will eventually consume itself.

Promote a spirit of learning in your home and you will be surprised at all the areas that are positively affected.

The word amuse literally means not to think. Though I am okay with vegging from time to time, I find that thinking in my free time yields incredible results, especially in marriage.

If you want to feel good about one another, start thinking a little more. It’s commanded. It’s needful. It’s more than beneficial.

– Dr. Force

Fitness, Nutrition

7 Healthy Habits for LASTING Weight Loss

February 10, 2021October 28, 2020 teamquadzilla

7-Habits-of-People-Who-Lost-30-Pounds-—-and-Kept-the-Weight-Off--770x385

There’s a group of people out there who know the keys to losing weight and keeping it off. Lasting weight loss is about figuring out what works well in your life and making it into a habit. So who better to learn from than highly successful people who have lost 30 pounds or more and kept the weight off for at least a year?

Who Are These People?

The folks we’re talking about are real people who did real work to shed pounds — and now they’re willing participants in an ongoing research study that started in 1994. They lost the weight, kept it off for a year (or more), and then signed up for the National Weight Control Registry (NCWR), which aims to be the largest study of long-term, successful weight-loss maintenance.

The NCWR has registered 10,000 individuals since it began, and the average person in the registry has kept off 66 pounds for 5.5 years and counting. About half of them report having at least one overweight parent. Most are between the ages of 44 and 49, which could mean that it takes time to figure out just the right mix of diet and exercise habits.

What’s in it for participants? They get to help scientists figure out how they could escape the cycle of yo-yo dieting with which so many people struggle. While each person’s weight-loss journey is unique, there were seven common habits that worked for these weight-loss winners. Here’s where we think they got it right:

7-Healthy-Habits-of-People-Who-Lost-30-Pounds.inpost2

1. They eat fewer calories than the average American

Most of the registry participants ate a low-calorie diet — the average was 1,306 calories for women and 1,685 calories for men. For perspective, American women and men in their 40’s eat an average of about 1,873 and 2,520 calories, respectively.

The science behind eating fewer calories to lose weight is solid, but over the years, we’ve learned that a calorie is not a calorie. The quality of those calories matters significantly. That’s why 100 calories of fiber-filled apple slices can help you feel fuller longer than 100 calories of licorice.

Counting calories is helpful, but turning it into a habit can be a challenge. Calories do count, but you don’t always need to count them. You can achieve similar results (with less math) by learning how to control portion sizes. Something as simple as portion containers can help you learn what is the right amount of food (read: calories) for your body. And don’t forget about calorie quality: Aim for a balanced nutrition plan that includes plenty of fruits, veggies, whole-grains, lean proteins, and healthy fat.

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2. They eat often, up to five times a day

The registry participants eat more frequently than people who are overweight. They generally eat five times daily, which breaks out to three meals and two snacks. Science has a tough time making the final call on whether or not eating more often will hurt or help your progress.

Sure, eating often can mean more opportunities to overeat, but it’s also a good strategy to deal with hunger. Grazing on healthy snacks like fresh fruits, veggies, string cheese, and Greek yogurt is a no-brainer. Just remember that there’s a fine line between a snack and a full-blown meal.

3. They stick to a consistent diet

Most registry participants eat a fairly consistent diet whether it’s a weekday, weekend, holiday, or vacation. Results show that those who ate a consistent diet the entire week were 1.5 times more likely to maintain their weight within five pounds over the course of one year compared with those who ate a healthy diet strictly on weekdays.

While there’s not a ton of research in this area, this habit makes sense. Eating the same foods every day can help with self-control and keep unplanned temptations to a minimum. Keep in mind it’s perfectly OK to indulge in a cheat meal once in a while, but keep it to that: once in a while.

4. They don’t skip breakfast

A whopping 78% of those in the registry report eating breakfast every day, which is consistent with the trend that people who eat a morning meal usually weigh less.

Bear in mind that skipping breakfast won’t entirely make or break your weight-loss efforts. In fact, a small number of folks will skip this meal to lose weight through intermittent fasting. Fasting isn’t for everyone, so if that’s not your cup of tea, keep calm, and join the breakfast club.

A breakfast with a balance of protein, fat, and carbohydrates (high in fiber) — like two eggs scrambled with vegetables and maybe 1/4 of an avocado, 1/2 cup of oatmeal, and one cup of fruit — can set the tone for the rest of day. I personally LOVE drinking Vegan Chocolate Shakeology blended with a banana, ice, and unsweetened almond milk. It keeps me full and energized all morning. And chocolate for breakfast…yes please!

A good breakfast may help cut down mid-morning hunger and decrease the chances you’ll be “hangry” by lunch. All this can build up to better food choices throughout the day, so you’ll be able to breeze by your co-worker’s batch of brownies.

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5. They prioritize daily exercise

Almost all (90 percent) registry participants exercise for about one hour every day. This habit is especially effective because nutrition works hand in hand with exercise to promote weight loss. Additionally, working out can help build more defined muscles.

The most effective ways to change your body composition is to add strength training and/or high-intensity interval training (HIIT) to your workout routine. Besides helping you slip into that little black dress, surprising exercise benefits include improvements in sleep, mood, and productivity.

6. They weigh in weekly

The scale can feel like a constant reminder that your goal weight is far away. People dread weighing in mostly because they don’t like the number they see. Yet, 75% of successful weight-loss maintainers weigh themselves at least once each week.

That number on the scale can be the motivation to implement healthy habits and stay focused on your goals. Hitting an “all-time high in weight” is a common trigger for someone to want to lose weight. Monitoring your weight weekly can catch a one- to two-pound weight gain, as opposed to monthly, where you could gain a much more significant amount.

While it’s a good idea to weigh in regularly, guilt-tripping yourself each time you step on a scale is a big no-no. Instead, think of that number as a valuable data point that can help you troubleshoot and plan for the coming weeks. Also focus on non-scale victories like how your clothes fit, how you feel with energy and confidence, and choosing well when tempted with treats that aren’t part of your plan.

7. They don’t binge-watch TV

If you’re juggling work, friends, and family, you know time is precious — and finding time for healthy habits can be a challenge. But unless you’re doing burpees while binge-watching HGTV, you’re not making much progress when you’re in front of the TV. And to add insult to injury, eating while watching TV can contribute to weight gain through mindless eating. This doesn’t mean you have to give up television to see success, but you should limit your screen time to about 10 hours a week. By limiting screen time, you can make more time for other activities (hint: exercise).

The Bottom Line

It would be nice to think that these people are privy to some super-secret way to lose a lot of weight and keep it off. But the simple truth is that there is no secret; it takes hard work, consistency, and patience to see results that last. There is no magic pill, patch, wrap, or chemical concoction that will get you long term, sustainable and healthy results. Eat right. Sweat often. Rest. Repeat. You can do this!

Many thanks goes to Trinh Le, R.D. and the Teambeachbodyblog for doing the heavy lifting on this article.

faith, Family, Personal Development

You Are Not A Failure | Letter To My Son

February 3, 2021September 29, 2020 teamquadzilla

Failure isn’t fatal, but failure to change might be.
John Wooden

You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don’t try to forget the mistakes, but you don’t dwell on it. You don’t let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.
Johnny Cash

Son, you will fail; this happens. But this does not mean you are a failure. The assumption that “you are a failure” is a powerful and defeating thought that can paralyze a man. It’s a recording that sometimes plays in the mind that men struggle to silence. It’s one of the five powerful voices I believe all men hear (if you remember my previous letter on this subject). I think this is partially because many men falsely believe that to be a man, we must “man-up” by appearing strong, confident, and courageous, even when we feel weak, confused, and lost. This false belief thus devastates men in moments of failure. Which is why when we fail, we sometimes believe we are a failure.

Please note, experiencing failure and feeling the impact is a good thing for all men. The last thing we need is insensitivity to this pain. Appropriate levels of pain, in the form of regret and guilt, are good for all men. And why? Well, because pain is an indication of pending danger. Insensitivity to pain will only lead to callousness and other, more harmful decisions to self and others. Yet, inflicting needless suffering on ourselves by allowing a failure to convince us that we are a failure is also not helpful. While you and I are both sinners, we are redeemed by Christ and given a new identity as sons of God. Your identity is marked permanently not by your failure but by His grace, and your identity is forever changed. Accepting this is sometimes too good to be true, so it’s easy for men to go back to the perpetual failure of the former life and the old yoke of slavery.

..and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.”
Galatians 5:1

As men, we live in this great tension, and here is how I describe it. First, our former identity is marked entirely by sin. In fact, the Bible calls us “sinners.” Yes, God’s Word is clear; our identities before Christ are marked by perpetual sin. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23) So in one sense, and at one time, all men were perpetual failures. We were, (notice the use of the past tense of the verb,) a complete and total failure.

Second, yet we also know that “the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 6:23) And this gift results in us having the opportunity to believe in his name, giving us “the right to become children of God.” (John 1:12) Jesus also says, “No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.” (John 15:15) So your identity has changed from sinner to son, from failure to friend.

Third, we must choose to live in this new identity as sons and friends. Yet we know, the voice of the past will call to us. In moments of failure, we will be tempted to listen to the voice of the former man and the old identity. It will call to you and say, “I am a failure.” Its call will be compelling and clear because only you will hear its voice within your mind. This voice will present evidence to you from your own life to support your incorrect perceptions. Do not doubt my words, son, the courtroom of your mind will offer a convincing case. And yet, the tension between a former identity and your new identity has a present reality.

For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
2 Corinthians 5:21

Think about that and ponder on it for a second—you are the “righteousness of God.” Let that set in. That’s your identity. You are not a failure. You are instead a son of righteousness.

So the next time you fail your response should be to understand the pain, accept it, learn from it, and then before the failure begins to poison your thinking about your identity, bring to mind that Scripture says, you a “son of righteousness” saved by God’s grace. You are not a failure. Do not let that thought preach to you, rather let the truth preach to you. And why should you do this? Because the most important thought about you is not what others think about you, what you think about you, but what God thinks about you. This is the only thought that matters.

As you learn to do this, you will discover something about the fails in your life—that God is up to something. That he is working out something magnificent in you every time you fail. He is teaching you to trust more and more in him. Notice what the apostle Paul says about his perpetual failing.

But [God] said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. – 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Do you see it? Failure gives way to opportunity—the opportunity to trust less in self and more in God. With failure, we encounter grace, discover perfect power, contentment, and the paradox of strength in weakness. For the man who is strong in himself is not strong; he is only pretending to be strong. Instead, the man who embraces his weakness (through failure) is genuinely strong because he is strong in God.

I love you son. Remember you are not a failure. Dad.