My Instagram account was hacked. Worst part is I didn’t even know it – for months. I’m so embarrassed by what was revealed to me about the activity on my account. So I’ve shut it down. I don’t need Instagram. Here’s my video confession and a few words about social media addiction. Maybe it’s time for a social media sabbatical.
I like to read books. I read to learn much more often than I read for an entertaining story. Sometimes I get through a book that really speaks to me. Failing Forward is impactful to say the least. I highly recommend it for your personal development regardless of age, career, personality, etc. You can benefit from the encouragement in this book. However, if you aren’t likely to read the book, maybe you can read my notes on it here along with some personal commentary from my experience.
First let me just say that fear of failing is a big deal for me. I’ve struggled with it my entire life. I was the kid that was so afraid to try something new because I didn’t want to fail at it. I sure wasn’t going to let anyone see me fail if I could help it. I would first study, watch, analyze the thing, play my moves over and over in my head until I was certain that I could do it and do it well. If not, I would practice in secret until I got it down, then reveal to all that I could do it as if it were no big deal. I captured the story about learning to ride a bike in a short video HERE. Kinda funny.
The issue didn’t disappear over time just because I supposedly grew up. In fact the mindset of fear and aversion to failure just grew deeper and more difficult to overcome in some instances. I’m certain that my fear to risk has stunted my career and limited my potential as a leader. But not all is lost my friends! This old dog is still learning, still working on me so I can be my best for those people who count on me the most. If you can relate, keep reading and I hope you find some inspiration and encouragement to fail forward.
The following is taken directly from Maxwell’s book. It’s a summary of my favorite lines. 203 pages reduced to one short list. You’re welcome.
15 Steps to Failing Forward
You are more likely to act yourself into feeling than feeling yourself into action. So act! DO whatever it is that you know you should do.
The battleground is between your ears. If you want to achieve, you have to win the war in your thinking first. “Handicaps can only disable us if we let them. This is true not only of physical challenges, but mental and emotional as well…I believe real and lasting limitations are created in our minds, not our bodies.” – Roger Crawford.
We tend to overestimate the event and underestimate the process. Every fulfilled dream occurred because of dedication to a process. To achieve your dreams you must embrace adversity and make failure a regular part of your life. If you’re not failing you’re probably not really moving forward. Journaling is good for this.Top 10 Ways People Get in Their Own Way
–Poor People Skills Learn how to get along with other people. Period.
–A Negative Attitude Learn to make the best of any situation.
–A Bad Fit Sometimes a case of mismatched abilities, interests, personality, or values can be a major contributor to chronic failure.
–Lack of Focus People lacking focus are not too busy, but have priorities out of whack.
–A Weak Commitment The last time you failed, did you stop trying because you failed, or did you fail because your stopped trying?
–An Unwillingness to Change If you resist change, you’re really resisting success. Learn flexibility, or learn to like living with your failures.
–A Shortcut Mind-Set If you continually give in to your moods or impulses, then you need to change your approach to doing things. Set standards for yourself that require accountability. Suffering a consequence for not following through helps you stay on track.
–Relying on Talent Alone Adding a strong work ethic to talent is like pouring gasoline on a fire. It’s explosive!
–A Response to Poor Information “Expect only 5% of an intelligence report to be accurate. The trick of a good commander is to isolate the 5%.” – General Douglas MacArthur.
–No Goals Many people don’t have goals because they haven’t allowed themselves to dream. No dream= no desire. If that describes you, then you must look deep within yourself to determine WHY you are on this planet. Once you know that, you’ll know what to shoot for.
14. Understand there is not much difference between failure and success. Having a sense of purpose is the fuel that powers persistence in the midst of adversity. “Ninety-nine percent of failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses.” – George Washington Carver
15. Get up, get over it, and get going. It’s what you do after you get back up that counts. Nothing of value is achieved without taking risks. Winning usually follows losing.
You made it! You read this far because this subject struck a chord with you. Or maybe because you are determined to not read the whole book, but wanted to get the high points. Either way, mission accomplished.
I can remember taking ‘power naps’ in college. At very random times of day, I would just lay down for a few minutes between classes. My posse back then often did the same. We’d say, “I need a 10.” It was our code for nap time. Just 10-20 minutes is all that was needed. I remember feeling so much better afterwards. Naps really work. I steal one every now and then these days, but its not my habit. Maybe it should be. A quick glance through history books reveals a long line of influential nappers. Albert Einstein, Leonardo Da Vinci, and Thomas Edison were all known to take naps.
Their decision, it turns out, is backed by science.
The benefits of getting enough sleep are widely acknowledged, but why choose naps instead of catching more Zs at night? The simple answer is that it makes the second part of your day as productive as the first. About an hour after waking is considered our most productive time. Even if you consider yourself a night-owl, chances are your cognitive abilities are sharper after some shut-eye. It is more than common sense. It is science.
In a review of the many studies conducted on napping, Dr. Catherine Milner and Dr. Kimberly A. Cote find a host of productivity-related benefits. Napping improves reaction time, psychomotor speed, vigor, and vigilance. In one [study}(https://elibrary.ru/item.asp?id=7466161), participants saw their ability to complete additional tasks improve post-nap and in another, retirees saw improvements in episodic memory, visuospatial abilities, and general cognition. Yet another study on memory found that working-aged people were able to perform recall tasks better after a nap when compared to drinking coffee. The nap doesn’t need to be long: even a six-minute micro-nap improves declarative memory.
Sleep is known to help consolidate memory and contribute to learning, but some scientists say the same benefits can be reaped from naps. Dr. Sara Mednick looks at how sleep impacts learning. In a 2003 study, she found that a 90-minute snooze is just about as good for learning perceptual skills as a full eight hours. Even better, the power of a nap adds to the learning potential experienced during regular sleeping hours.
Participants who napped in addition to their regular sleep schedule experienced “improvement, such that performance over 24 hours showed as much learning as is normally seen after twice that length of time.” The research suggests that if you’re struggling with complex learning tasks, a nap can help.
We know that getting enough sleep is important for overall health, but there is also evidence that napping, in particular, is a healthy habit. A 2016 study by the European Society of Cardiology compared the health of 386 patients with arterial hypertension to see how napping might impact their health.
Those that took mid-day naps had lower blood pressure and anatomical evidence of less blood pressure related damage. Napping was also associated with fewer medication prescriptions.
The benefits extend into real-world results. In a longitudinal study of over 23,000 healthy people, nappers had a much lower rate of coronary mortality. Those who napped occasionally had a 12% lower coronary mortality rate, while those who napped often had a 37% percent lower rate.
Napping is becoming popular because it is easier to coordinate than a full eight hours of blissfully uninterrupted shut-eye at night. Work hours are long and time with our families is precious. A twenty-minute nap can be slotted in between meetings or a longer snooze can take place over lunch, leaving free time at home to be spent on hobbies or with loved ones.
In China, public napping is commonplace. “It’s nothing unusual,” Chinese journalist Lorraine Lu writes. “If you get tired, you just put a cushion or pillow on your desk, lay your head on it and rest for 15 minutes.”
Aside from the workplace, subways and even Ikea are fair game. The same is true of several other Asia countries, and the afternoon siesta is a time-honored condition in many Spanish-speaking nations.
Though the United States is yet to catch up, some companies are coming around to the idea of corporate nap time. A 2011 poll found that 34% of respondents were allowed to nap at work and hundreds of sleep pods are popping up in offices, hospitals, and schools around the country.
If you aren’t one of the Americans already taking naps, there is no time like the present.
*credit belongs to Erin Wildermuth and the team at michaelhyatt.com for doing the heavy lifting on this article
Have you noticed that the “women’s movement,” as it is now called, has again declared all-out war on men? It is pervasive and comes in the form of ridicule, resentment, belittlement, hostility and anti-male bias. It is not a new phenomenon, of course, having begun with a vengeance in the late 60s and 70s. It was then called the “women’s liberation movement.” In the present permutation, various organizations and leftist groups are still out there teaching hate and conflict between men and women. They include Planned Parenthood and other pro-abortion groups, the mainstream media, the entertainment industry, gay and lesbian advocates, liberal universities, and a host of other leftist entities.
Several months ago, former candidate for president, Hillary Clinton, said that she lost the election because men had browbeaten their wives by insisting that they vote for her opponent, Donald Trump. Could she really be serious? Do women not have minds of their own?
The contemporary version of the war between the sexes is an effort to make men look like fools. They are depicted as immature, impulsive, selfish, weak, and not very bright. Evidence of that campaign can still be observed in almost every dimension of the culture, especially in the entertainment industry. Television commercials slam the message home night after night.
The tiresome formula involves a beautiful woman who is intelligent, sexy, admirable, self-assured and well dressed. She encounters a man who brags and blusters and says crazy things. He is ignorant, balding, and almost always overweight. The stupid guy, as I will call him, quickly disgraces himself on screen, at which point the woman sneers or walks away. There are hundreds of these ads on TV today and have been out there for many years. Watch for them on the tube. They are constantly changing, but here are some actual commercials that appeared for all the world to see.
1. The stupid guy approaches a gorgeous girl in a bar who is pouring a Heineken beer into a glass (guess what is about to happen). She smiles seductively. He is so flabbergasted by her beauty that he overflows his own glass. The announcer then calls this “a premature pour.” There is little doubt about the nasty meaning of that one.
2. The stupid guy loves driving his Acura so much that he puts lipstick all over his mouth, musses up his hair, and twists his shirt. He is trying to make his wife think he’s been with another woman, but when he gets home, she looks at him scornfully and says, “You’ve been out driving again, haven’t you?” He sighs and looks down, like a little boy caught stealing candy.
3. The stupid guy is too scared to talk to a sexy woman in a bar, so a friend writes inane notes to prompt him. He suggests to the dumb dude that he write unintelligent messages to the woman, such as, “Hi” and “How are you?” Ultimately, the girl leaves with the writer, and the stupid guy is left bewildered and alone at the bar.
4. The stupid guy is a flabby man in his forties who is standing alone in front of his bedroom mirror. He is not wearing a shirt. Then he tentatively tries on his wife’s bra. At that moment, his wife comes through the door. The cross-dresser is caught. She fails to notice the bra and asks him something about sports. Relief spreads across his face. The caption then reads, “Some questions are easier to answer than others.”
5. The stupid guy is trying to impress an attractive girl with his knowledge of professional football, but she corrects his facts at every turn. He then reminds her that he was a “guard” for the Pittsburgh Steelers. The girl says sarcastically, “Larry! You were a parking lot attendant!”
6. Three stupid guys are standing together at a cocktail party when they spot a beautiful woman in red. One of the men identifies her to the others as “the chairman’s wife, Mrs. Robinson.” (The setting recalls a Mrs. Robinson in the movie, The Graduate, who seduced actor Dustin Hoffman.) At that point, the woman sidles over to one of the men and says, “Have you ever seen something and you just knew you wanted it?” The stupid guy swallows hard and trembles. This is his big moment. Then Mrs. Robinson grabs his “Killian’s Irish Red” beer and walks away.
7. This is the most disgusting advertisement I have seen. The stupid guy is a trainer in a gym who is showing a good-looking girl how to toughen her “glutes,” referring to the muscles in her buttocks. He stands before her and begins to grunt and strain, bending slightly forward and grimacing. One wonders if there is something terrible happening in his shorts. Then he reaches behind to retrieve a walnut that he has apparently cracked with his rear end. Somehow that disgusting ad was supposed to make the viewer want to rent a car from Budget. It didn’t work for me, I assure you.
Television commercials are not the only culprit. Today’s sitcoms are downright awful. They blast away at traditional masculinity, much like wrecking balls crashing into a building scheduled for demolition. After taking many direct hits, the structure begins to crumble. As I write, there is not a single example of a healthy family depicted in a sitcom that focuses on a masculine, heterosexual guy who loves his kids and is respected by his wife. Not one!
You’ll note that the polarity of the stupid guy ads is never reversed. Not in a lifetime will viewers see a corpulent, unattractive, sloppy woman lusting after a good looking man in an ad or sitcom, who shows disdain for her as she does something embarrassingly foolish. Men, however, don’t seem to notice that the joke is on them. Perhaps they (we) have been desensitized by fifty years of male bashing.
Agencies conduct exhaustive market research before committing millions of corporate dollars to advertising programs such as these. So, what is going on here? Is it possible that men, especially male beer drinkers and sports car enthusiasts, actually like being depicted as dumb, horny, fat, nerdy, and ugly? Apparently, they do. We also have to assume that guys are not offended when they are made the butt of a thousand jokes. But why? Women would not tolerate that kind of derision.
Are you old enough to remember the sitcom, “All in the Family?” It was based on a redneck clod named Archie Bunker and his mousy wife, Edith. Humor was used to make a fool out of him, and by extension, every conservative man in the country. From there, primetime television programming has evolved into today’s fare, most of which features profane, sexually explicit cohabitants who meander through one outrageous episode after another. The lead characters are usually men with the giddy mentality of fourteen year-old boys. Hollywood writers use these programs to snuff out every vestige of male pride and crush it beyond recognition.
This leads us to ask, why does it matter? Why should we be concerned about the war between the sexes? There are two primary consequences. First, it effectively weakens the family and damages the institution of marriage. Common sense tells us that dividing the population down the middle and pitting one sex against the other couldn’t be healthy for intimate relationships. I am convinced that the war is related to the huge divorce rate in today’s world. Many women are reluctant to marry, or stay married to, sniveling men who lack the confidence to lead or care for their wives and children. That hurts everyone.
The second consequence of the war between the sexes is that it warps the minds of children. Do we not know that kids are capable of noticing that men are often made to look like fools in the wider world? They watch the sitcoms too, after all. I’m convinced that many boys and girls learn to disrespect the men in their lives. They should be taught to look up to their fathers and want to emulate them. Boys, especially, need to learn how to become men by watching strong, loving dads who take the time to mentor them. A high percentage of babies are born out of wedlock and have no masculine influence in the home. History teaches that the young and vulnerable suffer most from the ravages of war. In this case, both boys and girls have been wounded by the ricochet.
Remember that the war is not just being waged between men and woman. It is culture wide. Kathleen Parker wrote, “Today’s boys grow up in a bizarrely hostile environment. They’re told to be tough, not to cry, to be a man. It is an ironic insult in a culture that devalues men and fathers. They’re bullied by schools intolerant of boy behavior, told they’re less special than girls, and left by too-busy parents to the tutelage of peers, media, and superheroes who wreak havoc to settle scores.”
Michael Thompson, coauthor of Raising Cane, said that many women are hoping against hope that their sons won’t turn out like their husbands.
Journalist Megan Rosenfeld said that our sons are seen as politically incorrect. “[They] are universal scapegoats, the clumsy clods with smelly feet who care only about sports and mischief.”
Harvard psychologist William Pollack said women consider boys to be creatures who might “infect girls with some kind of social cooties.”
No discussion of boy-bias would be complete without addressing the discrimination against males evident in American public education. Again, William Pollack said succinctly, “It sounds terrible to say, but coeducational public schools have become the most boy-unfriendly places on earth. It may still be a man’s world. But it certainly isn’t a boy’s world.”
And finally, Christine Hoff Sommers, the most passionate and effective defender of boys, echoed these concerns in her outstanding book, The War Against Boys, How Misguided Feminism is Harming our Young Men. She says this is “a bad time to be a boy in America because of the bias against them in our educational institutions.”
In conclusion, let me acknowledge the obvious. Not all men are worthy of respect. Some are jerks. Some drink heavily and abuse their wives and children. Some are severely into pornography or are inveterate gamblers. Some waste the family’s resources. Some are lazy. Some are unfaithful and chase after other women. Some have other serious faults. I haven’t intended to make excuses in this letter for such individuals. Every situation is unique.
I can tell you this. Women often hold the keys to a man’s confidence, his willingness to work, to live a clean life, and even to influence his commitment to Jesus Christ. If you belittle and disrespect him at home, you and your children could be the losers for it.
If that is your circumstance, please don’t be offended by what I have written. But I urge you not to get carried along by the radical feminist’s universal hostility to men—all men. Their anger is not a good thing. If you join their movement, you might hurt your sons and daughters and destroy your marriage. For all the women out there whose husbands are basically good men, but perhaps they are just not good enough in your eyes, you might want to reexamine the guy you married. He could have some hidden qualities you might have overlooked. Search for the hidden virtues and see what could show up.
Even more to the point, you should never underestimate the power of prayer. My grandmother was married to a man who was not a believer. He told her to do what she wanted with their 6 kids, but to keep him out of spiritual matters. She prayed and fasted for him for more than 40 years without response. Then he became critically ill at 69 and asked his wife specifically to pray for him. He said he wasn’t afraid to die, but it was so dark. She knelt at his bedside and he gave his heart to Jesus Christ. Two weeks later, he died with a testimony on his lips. We are going to see him again on the other side. You have no idea what answers to prayer God might have in store for your wounded marriage. I have seen miracles happen many times.
Be encouraged, fathers. Your children will be impacted by your godly guidance and care if you take the time to invest in their lives. Happy Father’s Day!
This letter may be reproduced without change and in its entirety for non-commercial and non-political purposes without prior permission from Family Talk. Copyright, 2017 Family Talk. All Rights Reserved. International Copyright Secured. Printed in the U.S.A.
Sometimes I find an article that fits Team Quadzilla well so I’m compelled to share it with you. As we approach Father’s Day, I thought this encouragement about parenting was timely. For those who don’t care much for the Bible, I will only ask that you read this anyway because there are some practical ideas to help us be better parents. Enjoy this content from Dr. Eric Scalise.
What is encouragement and why is it so essential for maintaining healthy marriages and families? Encouragement represents positive influence, to literally give courage to someone—not waiting until it’s deserved or asked for, but taking initiative when things are difficult and uncertain. There are many synonyms one could use: to give support, confidence or hope to another; to hearten, cheer, uplift, inspire, motivate, vitalize, embolden, or rally. The impact can be far reaching and often makes a difference when relationships begin to falter. Even the neuroscience gives credence to this dynamic. Criticism and negativity release harmful stress hormones, inhibit concentration, diminish the brain’s executive functioning, and tend to create knee-jerk reactions vs. calm and rational thinking.
The Bible provides a wonderful example of a life fully lived under this principle. His name was Barnabas and there are several lessons we can draw from his story. Here are six worth considering:
1. The first thing about an encourager is that he or she is practical.
Barnabas arrives on the scene in Acts 4:36-37. He was just a regular “Joe” (Joseph, a Levite), but his nature was so uplifting and encouraging, that the Apostles changed his name to fit his character—Bar (the Son of) Encouragement. He sold some land and laid the money at the Apostle’s feet. Here were the leaders of the first century church who were trying to take care of widows and orphans, and what they needed at the time were financial resources—so practical in the moment.
While attending to someone spiritually is always appropriate and helpful, we shouldn’t neglect looking for ways to encourage the people we love on practical levels as well. Perhaps you have heard the saying, “We can become so heavenly-minded, we are no earthly good.” Imagine if your nickname was “husband” or “wife” of encouragement. . .father or mother of encouragement. Sometimes our spouse or child needs a simple hug, an act of service, a helping hand, or an arm around the shoulder that says, “I love you.” Let your encouragement today be practical.
2. Second, an encourager is a risk taker.
In Acts 9:26-27, Barnabas stood up for Saul when no one else believed in his conversion and everyone was still afraid of him. He took a risk when others wanted to reject Saul for his behavior. Love has the ability to look past brokenness and pain, even sinful choices, and still see God at work in the midst of a situation. Loving and caring for someone can be risky and often requires us to be authentic and to move beyond our comfort zones.
Marriage and parenting offer numerous opportunities to forgive when we have been hurt or a sacred trust has been violated. Being open and transparent in a marital or family relationship, especially in sharing thoughts, emotions, hurts, etc., can mean stepping “outside the box.” There are no guarantees that we will be immune from the storms of life on this side of eternity. However, in Christ, risks are frequently overcome with steps of faith. Take a risk today—encourage your loved one by being vulnerable.
3. Third, an encourager is committed.
When Barnabas was sent to Antioch and got among the people, the Scriptures says he began to encourage them with everything he had (Acts 11:19-24). The words describe him as having a “resolute heart.” In the Greek, this is translated as prosthesis kardia, which literally means, “purposed in the will.” This was part of who Barnabas was and his sense of calling.
In the same way, when we walk down the aisle with someone and pledge vows, or choose to bring a son or daughter into the world, we need to be committed as “all in” when it comes to our own role and responsibilities as spouses and parents. In some ways, success can be defined as falling down seven times and getting up eight. Great marriages and great parenting are not created by 50-50 commitments, thinking this represents a whole relationship, but after two people each give 100%. When Cortez landed in the New World, he burned his ships; it signified there was but one direction in moving forward. Find a way to encourage your spouse or a child that indicates you’re all in.
4. Fourth, an encourager is others-centered.
Shortly after arriving in Antioch, Barnabas turned his thoughts toward his good friend, Saul (Acts 11:25-26). He knew he had to share this blessing and not be consumed with his own sense of self-importance. Inviting others into your journey underscores the reality that we were created by God in relationship and for relationship. He never intended for us to be alone and take a solo flight through life.
Marriages and families are composed of individuals who each have their own set of expectations, desires, hopes, dreams, and plans. We all need to grow in the practice of “relational gift-giving.” Here, we can proactively choose to focus on our spouse or child and consider what would bless them, please them, support them, and draw them closer to God. Encourage your loved ones and make this moment, this hour, this day, a celebration of who they are.
5. Fifth, an encourager is available.
While in Antioch, the Lord commissioned and directed the very first missionary journey (Acts 13:1-3). Immediately, Barnabas and Paul made themselves available and were sent out. This implies an ongoing state of preparation and anticipation, a willingness to lay down one’s own ideas, plans, and desires for the benefit of others. Leaders often understand more can depend on a person’s availability before God than necessarily his or her ability.
Making ourselves available to the Lord, as well as to our spouses and children, can open up the doors of opportunity for deeper relationships, ministry, healing, and transformation. For many, time is one of the most valuable commodities in today’s fast-paced world. Sharing it with a loved one is a wonderful gift. It says, “Here I am. . .for you. . .for us. To listen, to care, to serve.” The power of presence should never be underestimated. God can accomplish much in a marriage or family through vessels who are fully yielded to Him. Be an encourager and offer yourself in love.
6. Finally, an encourager is patient.
During the first missionary journey, Barnabas took along his young cousin, John Mark, who later left them in the middle of the trip. On a subsequent journey when Paul suggested they visit all the churches that were started, Barnabas wanted Mark to join them once again. However, Paul accused Mark of desertion and he and Barnabas had such a significant argument, they parted company. Paul took Silas and Barnabas took Mark (Acts 15:36-40). Barnabas remained patient and longsuffering with his cousin.
There are times when loving someone means standing with him or her in the middle of major mistakes and shortcomings. The first descriptor of love is that it is patient (1 Cor. 13). We have all probably heard incredible testimonies that speak to the power of a praying mother. Who will continue believing in, advocating for, and supporting our spouse, son or daughter? Encourage that family member through your unwavering, patient, and unconditional love.
As I close, let us examine the fruit of encouragement. In 2 Timothy 4:11, Paul is imprisoned and in the twilight of his life on the earth. He says, “Only Luke is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful to me in my ministry.” Later, in 1 Peter 5:13, when writing to the believers who were scattered because of persecution, Peter says, “She who is in Babylon, chosen together with you, sends you her greetings, and so does my son Mark.”
Even though we hear very little about Barnabas or Mark after they parted company with Paul, these verses reveal that somewhere along the journey, this young disciple “made it.” The one who had failed miserably, moved into a place of responsibility and maturity. Here, we see the two preeminent Apostles of the first century who are strongly supportive and complimentary of Mark—Paul saying he was useful to him and Peter referring to him as a son in the faith. God Himself allowed Mark to write one of the four Gospels. Although Scripture is largely silent on the matter, I believe the fact that Mark was able to work through whatever issues he had, was because Barnabas refused to give up on him and was willing to stick it out during the long journey.
You potentially may be the most influential person in your spouse’s or child’s life. . . in the best position to support, pray for, believe in, and journey with him or her in all the ups and downs. The gift of encouragement is within you right now. May the outcome be as equally transforming as it was for John Mark.
Team Quadzilla 