Fortitude – Page 20 – Team Quadzilla

Failing Forward

July 6, 2018June 3, 2020 teamquadzilla

I like to read books. I read to learn much more often than I read for an entertaining story. Sometimes I get through a book that really speaks to me. Failing Forward is impactful to say the least. I highly recommend it for your personal development regardless of age, career, personality, etc. You can benefit from the encouragement in this book. However, if you aren’t likely to read the book, maybe you can read my notes on it here along with some personal commentary from my experience.

First let me just say that fear of failing is a big deal for me. I’ve struggled with it my entire life. I was the kid that was so afraid to try something new because I didn’t want to fail at it. I sure wasn’t going to let anyone see me fail if I could help it. I would first study, watch, analyze the thing, play my moves over and over in my head until I was certain that I could do it and do it well. If not, I would practice in secret until I got it down, then reveal to all that I could do it as if it were no big deal. I captured the story about learning to ride a bike in a short video HERE. Kinda funny.

The issue didn’t disappear over time just because I supposedly grew up. In fact the mindset of fear and aversion to failure just grew deeper and more difficult to overcome in some instances. I’m certain that my fear to risk has stunted my career and limited my potential as a leader. But not all is lost my friends! This old dog is still learning, still working on me so I can be my best for those people who count on me the most. If you can relate, keep reading and I hope you find some inspiration and encouragement to fail forward.

The following is taken directly from Maxwell’s book. It’s a summary of my favorite lines. 203 pages reduced to one short list. You’re welcome.

15 Steps to Failing Forward

Realize there is one major difference between average people and achieving people. The difference is their perception of and response to failure. No matter how difficult your problems, the key to overcoming them is not changing your circumstances, it’s changing yourself. Changing yourself is a process that starts with a desire to be teachable.
Learn a new definition of failure. “Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” – Thomas Edison Regard failure as the price you pay for progress.
Remove the “you” from failure. James Allen – “A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thought.” People who don’t give up keep trying because they don’t base their self-worth on their performance. Take responsibility for your failures, but don’t take them personally.
Take action and reduce your fear. Don’t wait for motivation to magically inspire you to act. Just do it. Exercise, eat right, love sacrificially, kick a bad habit, whatever the thing is, DO IT without motivation and then it happens. Your motivation comes AFTER you do the thing and makes it easier for you to keep on doing it. You are more likely to act yourself into feeling than feeling yourself into action. So act! DO whatever it is that you know you should do.
Change your response to failure by accepting responsibility. If you always do what you’ve always done, then you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten. “Ninety percent of all those who fail are not actually defeated. They simply quit.” – Paul J. Meyer “It is easy to dodge our responsibilities, but we cannot dodge the consequences of our responsibilities.” – Sire Josiah Stamp
Don’t let failure from outside get inside you. Failure and success is an inside job. The battleground is between your ears. If you want to achieve, you have to win the war in your thinking first. “Handicaps can only disable us if we let them. This is true not only of physical challenges, but mental and emotional as well…I believe real and lasting limitations are created in our minds, not our bodies.” – Roger Crawford.
Say good-bye to yesterday. You will not be able to be your best today until you say good-bye to yesterday. Today may be your day to turn the hurts of your past into a breakthrough for the future. Don’t allow anything from your personal history to keep holding you hostage.
Change yourself, and your world changes. If you are not happy with your job, your family situation, or life, look at what you can change in yourself before trying to alter your circumstances. “The circumstances of life, the events of life, and the people around me do not make me the way I am, but reveal the way I am.” – Sam Peoples Jr.
Get over yourself and start giving yourself. A major cause of negative thinking and poor mental health is self-absorption. Generous people are rarely mentally ill. If you tend to take yourself too seriously, give yourself and others a break. Recognize that laughter breeds resilience.
Find the benefit in every bad experience. We tend to overestimate the event and underestimate the process. Every fulfilled dream occurred because of dedication to a process. To achieve your dreams you must embrace adversity and make failure a regular part of your life. If you’re not failing you’re probably not really moving forward. Journaling is good for this.
If at first you do succeed, try something harder. Risk must be evaluated not by the fear in generates in you or the probability of success, but in the value of the goal.
Learn from a bad experience and make it a good experience. Ben Franklin – “The things which hurt, instruct.” Your attitude toward failure determines your altitude after failure. When a person has the right mind set, every obstacle introduces him to himself. “Learning is defined by a change in behavior. You haven’t learned a thing until you take action and use it.” – Don Shula
Work on the weakness that weakens you. Take a sober self-assessment. Real success lies in experiencing fear or aversion and acting in spite of it.

Top 10 Ways People Get in Their Own Way

–Poor People Skills Learn how to get along with other people. Period.

–A Negative Attitude Learn to make the best of any situation.

–A Bad Fit Sometimes a case of mismatched abilities, interests, personality, or values can be a major contributor to chronic failure.

–Lack of Focus People lacking focus are not too busy, but have priorities out of whack.

–A Weak Commitment The last time you failed, did you stop trying because you failed, or did you fail because your stopped trying?

–An Unwillingness to Change If you resist change, you’re really resisting success. Learn flexibility, or learn to like living with your failures.

–A Shortcut Mind-Set If you continually give in to your moods or impulses, then you need to change your approach to doing things. Set standards for yourself that require accountability. Suffering a consequence for not following through helps you stay on track.

–Relying on Talent Alone Adding a strong work ethic to talent is like pouring gasoline on a fire. It’s explosive!

–A Response to Poor Information “Expect only 5% of an intelligence report to be accurate. The trick of a good commander is to isolate the 5%.” – General Douglas MacArthur.

–No Goals Many people don’t have goals because they haven’t allowed themselves to dream. No dream= no desire. If that describes you, then you must look deep within yourself to determine WHY you are on this planet. Once you know that, you’ll know what to shoot for.

14. Understand there is not much difference between failure and success. Having a sense of purpose is the fuel that powers persistence in the midst of adversity. “Ninety-nine percent of failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses.” – George Washington Carver

15. Get up, get over it, and get going. It’s what you do after you get back up that counts. Nothing of value is achieved without taking risks. Winning usually follows losing.

Finalize your Goal
Order your plans.
Risk failing by taking action
Welcome mistakes
Advance based on your character
Reevaluate your progress continually
Develop new strategies to succeed

You made it! You read this far because this subject struck a chord with you. Or maybe because you are determined to not read the whole book, but wanted to get the high points. Either way, mission accomplished.

Family, Fortitude, Personal Development

Why Am I So Angry?

May 30, 2018June 3, 2020 teamquadzilla

By Wanda Walborn

Violence levels are on the rise in our nation and world, and the Church is not exempt from its impact. As those who love God, how do we address anger as a natural part of our soul care and then help others diffuse the anger in their lives too? There are many forms of anger, so don’t be too quick to assume that you are not an angry person.

Anger is a strong feeling of displeasure and antagonism aroused by a sense of injury or wrong. Healthy anger can act as a powerful force for producing change in our lives at every level. It can be a gift that signals things are not OK.

What Does the Bible Say About Anger?

There are three types of anger mentioned in Scripture. The first type includes a stewing or festering that brews just below the surface and doesn’t come out. The Greek word for this type of anger is parogismos used in Ephesians 6:4, exhorting fathers to not provoke their children to anger.

The second type of anger occurs when something important to you is threatened or damaged. The Greek word is orgizo used in Ephesians 4:26—“Be angry (orgizo), but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger (parogizo) and give no opportunity to the devil.” Paul is saying to feel the anger but not to sin by refusing to deal with the festering anger below the surface, which gives the devil a place in your life.

The third type of anger is what Galatians 5:20 refers to as “outbursts of anger” or “fits of rage.” The Greek word is thymos, or rage, which passionately erupts and then cools down quickly, whereas the orgizo is indignation that gradually builds and settles in.

Five Signs of Indirect Anger

Many people don’t think they have a problem with anger but are sarcastic, passive aggressive, numb, depressed, or apathetic. Each of these expressions is an indication of indirect anger.

1. Sarcasm

The word sarcasm means “tearing of flesh.” It is intended to cut a person but is covered with a façade of humor.

2. Passive aggression

Passive-aggressive people pretend everything is fine. Then they say things to others, often acting like a victim, to get other people to confront or speak for them, because they can’t approach the person with whom they have a problem. This type of manipulation is calculated and driven by anger.

3. Depression

Depressed people turn their anger inward rather than choosing to express it outwardly. In an attempt to keep the peace, they push down all negative feelings to avoid hurting the people around them.

4. Numbness

People who feel numb have shut down emotionally to survive. Long-term chaotic or abusive situations cause them to close off emotionally to cope. They no longer feel joy or pain. They live in a constant state of numbness, and their anger has become frozen.

5. Apathy

Apathy is a sign that passion and hope are gone. Not caring is the only way a hurting person endures the pain. Apathy is a logical conclusion to an emotional issue. Rather than caring and feeling continual hurt, fear, or powerlessness, a person chooses not to care so he or she can function in everyday life.

Imperfect Parent

In 1992 I became pregnant with our fourth child. My anger toward the other three children surpassed the usual irritations or annoyances of typical childish behavior, and I found myself overreacting to almost everything they did.

If they spilled their drinks at the table, I went into a rage. If they started whining at the grocery store, I would take them into the bathroom or car and spank them. They were just tired and needed compassion, but what they got was frustration and an anger that forced them into unhealthy obedience. I felt disrespected, humiliated, and exposed as a bad mother because they wouldn’t listen to me, and I used my power to make them pay.

As I look back now, I realize I felt shame over their behavior. It makes no sense that I expected an 18-month-old, 2-year-old, and 4-year-old who were tired and hungry to handle a long day that ended at the grocery store without complaint. But I did. My parenting revolved around what other people would think and not about what my children needed.

This feeling of shame intimidated me into silence, and it wasn’t until I heard a sermon at church that it was OK not to be OK that I felt a dam burst inside of me. I finally determined to be honest about my feelings and seek the help I needed.

When I told my husband about my over-the-top behavior toward our children, he initially passed my anger off as just a reaction to a bad day. I continued to confess to him my actions toward the children when he wasn’t around to show him how bad it really was. Thankfully, he didn’t respond with more shame but encouraged me to talk with our senior pastor (the one who preached the sermon about not being OK), and I began to meet with him and his wife for the next four months to deal with the root of my anger instead of the symptoms.

The interesting part of the story is that my husband was the associate pastor of the same church. I was a pastor’s wife and treated my children that way. How shameful! I believed the lie that I should be perfect as the pastor’s wife; therefore, my children should be perfect too.

What’s Under the Anger?

During my prayer counseling sessions, I learned of six emotional causes underlying anger. Anger is what presents itself to others, but the primary emotion is underneath the anger. Understanding these six causes helped me identify the hurt and deal with it.

1. You’re afraid.

Fear can be a strong emotion causing people to feel weak, vulnerable, and powerless, so they rise up in anger to push people away and regain a sense of control. The rush of adrenaline that accompanies anger makes a person feel strong and hides the hidden terror.

2. Your opinion is invalidated.

Everyone wants to be heard whether in a business meeting or at the dinner table. A person’s opinion is simply his or her viewpoint on a topic. To criticize someone’s viewpoint or, worse yet, ignore the person completely, can cause anger. This is often seen in autocratic homes where one parent is always right and children aren’t allowed to have different opinions.

3. Your way is blocked.

This attitude is where road rage stems from—“Get out of my way!” Whether a person’s car is cut off on the freeway, or the budget is cut dissolving the business plan, or a 2-year-old is told no, anger results. It is probably the most volatile of all the underlying causes because it erupts spontaneously.

4. You’re hurt.

When a person is hurt, the offense is either turned inward, leading to despair or depression, or turned outward, leading to anger and bitterness. When turned inward, the person seeks to contain the anger by taking it out on him/herself, and self-rejection and self-hatred results. Turning the hurt outward can lead to blame and seeking revenge toward the person who hurt you. The healthy response to hurt is to feel the sadness, loss, and pain of the wounding.

5. Your personhood is attacked.

Name calling and inappropriate comments about your gender, ethnicity, sexuality, or beliefs fit this category. Oftentimes, these comments are made sarcastically or with a joking tone to get a laugh. Outwardly people might smile or play along, but inwardly the very core of the person has been touched, and it hurts.

6. Your expectations are unmet.

The angry person flies off the handle because of an unfulfilled expectation that is never spoken to the person receiving the anger. The angry person assumes the expectation is obvious, so he or she doesn’t need to communicate it directly. It should just be known. This happens in any relationship with assumptions and poor communication.

Anger leaves a wake of pain. The next time you get angry, pause for a moment and sift through these six areas to identify the underlying cause of your anger. It can help you communicate clearly and avoid many arguments and disagreements in your relationships.

How Do I Get Rid of My Anger?

We can’t rid ourselves of anger because it is an emotion; however, we can learn to appropriately deal with the real issue underlying the anger so it doesn’t fester or spew in unhealthy ways to hurt people around us. Here are five ways to self–check your anger level for your personal soul care.

1. Acknowledge the way in which anger generally surfaces in your life—aggression, passive-aggressiveness, sarcasm, numbness, apathy, depression, or rage.

2. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you identify the underlying issue as the source: fear, invalidation, blocked goals, woundedness, attacks on your personhood, or unmet expectations.

3. Ask for help so you don’t suffer in silence. Telling a close friend, spouse, or counselor about your anger disarms its power in your mind.

4. Grieve the loss accompanying the pain to process all the feelings surrounding the incident.

5. Choose to forgive the offender. Forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation for those who have hurt you and may not ever involve a conversation with the other person. Rather, forgiveness eliminates bitterness from forming in your heart to torment you and cut off intimacy with God and those you love. Satan is a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Let us not allow our unresolved anger to be the entry point of our destruction.

It’s been 24 years since I came clean with my husband and began to deal with my anger in a healthy way. I still feel anger, but it doesn’t control me as it once did. You too can be free from anger’s grip. Go beneath it and diffuse it.

faith, Family, Fortitude, Personal Development

How to Stop Worrying

May 17, 2018June 3, 2020 teamquadzilla

I recently woke up inspired to write the following journal entry. I hope it encourages and challenges you as it does me.

Worry says, “God is not big enough.” This is a terrible accusation for the Ultimate Creator of the universe who holds all things in this mighty hand. There is a pride and selfishness in worry that we don’t recognize. When we worry, we assume the burden only for ourselves. No one, not even God, can help us. “I must bear it all alone,” is the message we tell ourselves. Boo-hiss!

You, O Lord have saved us from our sins. Your promises are certain, you never fail. You tell us to cast our cares upon you, to take your light & easy yoke upon us, to trust you in everything, because you love us even more than we could love ourselves.

When we worry, it should send a signal to our hearts that there is something to surrender to the Lord. The work of surrender should be our task – not the enduring or solving the thing we worry about. The surrender is the real work though. We must conquer our mind which wars against surrender and favors of our natural carnal survival instinct.

To be clear, surrender is not “giving up.” Not even close. I think of it more like a transfer of burden from me to God. Don’t we all want some help with our burdens?

Worry is often an unreasonable fear, in my opinion. Fear of the unknown, fear of the future. Remember being a kid when your parents made you try something new? It was scary at first, but since you trust them, you eventually go for it. Inevitably, it turns out great. So much fun, so much easier, so good, so tasty, etc. As parents we do the same for our kids too. We want the best for them. We want them to experience all that is good and enjoyable in the world. So why do we not trust God to do even more for us? Have we forgotten that God is our Heavenly Father and we are his beloved children?

Also, have you noticed how many times we worry over things that NEVER happen? We worry about the “what ifs” and we come up with some crazy ones, don’t we? Well, stop it. God wants the best for us and he actually knows the future. We should trust God and surrender our worry to his capable hands. #preachingtomyself

The antidote to worry is trust. Trust is only as good as the object for which the trust is placed. We have a choice to make in the face of our worry. Will we choose to trust ourselves and our lousy capacity to predict the future, or will we trust in God who knows everything and is in control of everything?

I understand that trusting in God is not easy. Denying ourselves is the opposite of our human nature. I often wrestle with surrendering to God. I’m convinced that my way is better. After I fall on my face, I realize that God’s way is always best. It might be hard to deny myself and trust God, but it is always best. Honestly, it is such a great relief to leave the “worrisome things” to God. It’s the best stress reliever.

FAST FORWARD 2 WEEKS

God has a funny way of making these type of life lessons come to life in real time for me. As I’m preparing this article, I get tested with some pretty stressful work situations. Instead of practicing what I’m writing about, I revert to my old nature and experience high stress with all its symptoms – exhaustion, irritability, upset stomach, loss of appetite and stress eating at the same time (yeah, that really happens to me), anger, depression, etc. Yuck. After a few days, I calmed down enough to realize what I was doing and made a mental adjustment. I transferred my burden to the Lord. Just as he promises, everything changed in my outlook. The circumstances haven’t changed, but my attitude and mindset did. Praise the Lord! The chains of the stress are gone and I am free to be my very best through the circumstances. #workinprogress #underconstruction

For some of you, these concepts about God may seem foreign or even offensive to you. You may have ways to cope with your worries that don’t involve God, and would say I’m weak or crazy. Maybe so. But I’m willing to bet that someday your way will not work, and whenever your Jedi mind trick or destructive behavior you try leaves you still looking for answers, remember this: The truth is that God loves you more than you could ever know, and His great desire is for you to know Him and experience all the freedom, peace, and good that comes with a personal relationship with God. I would love to talk with you about how you can enjoy freedom from worry through a personal relationship with the God of the universe.

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” – 1 Peter 5:6-7

Fitness, Fortitude, Nutrition

What Happens When You Go “All In”

April 26, 2018June 3, 2020 teamquadzilla

Angie and I recently finished a rigorous fitness & nutrition program called 80 Day Obsession. The name is a little off-putting as I don’t like to think we are (or ever need to be) “obsessed” with our fitness or physique. I prefer to think of this endeavor as 80 days fully committed, focused, and “all in.” It was a personal test to see if I could eat really healthy for 3 months and stick to a challenging workout schedule. I often say we must do hard things if we want to be our best, so I put my words to action. Here are a few key takeaways from the experience:
Results are Visible
While my photos may not blow you away with transformation like Bruce Banner to Hulk, some pretty cool stuff happened to my body.
Lost over 4% body fat
Lost about 3″ from my waistline
Gained nearly 1″ in my arms
Gained about 5 lbs.
Angie reported losing over 8 lbs. and 7 inches overall which is significant for someone who is already fairly petite. There’s one thing you need to remember about the scale though. Muscle weighs more than fat, so to focus on the scale as the judge & jury for success in your healthy living journey is very short-sighted. No one wears a sign with their weight on it. It’s about how you carry the weight, how you FEEL in your skin, and what you can DO now that seemed impossible before. Clothes fit better, and in Angie’s case she’s down a couple sizes even though the scale only says down 8 lbs. More importantly, she’s gained confidence from this experience which brings me to my next point.
Invisible Results are Awesomer
That’s right, I said awesomer. Doing something hard like a rigorous fitness program does amazing things to you that can’t be seen in before & after photos.
Added significant strength – Angie & I both increased our weights more than we could have hoped. We FEEL so much stronger because we ARE MUST STRONGER.

Mental fortitude increased – I can’t say enough about this part. The “doing hard things” is mostly mental. The body will go where the mind takes it. We are so apt to quit when something is hard, so to LEARN to conquer our mind and tell it “No!” when we feel like quitting, when we feel too tired to exercise, when we feel like eating cookies instead of carrots, is a really big deal. The DISCIPLINE learned is that I can do more than I thought, I CAN conquer my mind – my thoughts, feelings, and attitudes to align with my goals.

Eating Healthy Isn’t Punishment – I had my doubts about the nutrition plan that goes with the workout program. Yeah, you probably think I’ve been a healthy eater for a long time so this would be no big deal. You are mistaken my friend. To REALLY dial in the nutrition by eating certain food groups at specific times of day in specific quantities, and eating ALL THE FOOD I’m supposed to was a huge challenge at first. Practice became habit. My body adjusted to eating 5 meals with 6 servings of veggies a day . All the veggies! I was rarely hungry, no energy crashes, VERY regular digestion, and we saved money at the grocery store.

“Hmmm. Eat more, save money, and get more lean? Where do I sign up??”

Further, meal times required no fuss or thought. No scavenging through the pantry. I planned ahead. I did meal prep on the weekends. Virtually all my meals were accounted for ahead of time. Super easy. And when I wasn’t at home, I could either take a healthy snack with me or just make good choices. Just because donuts are offered, doesn’t mean I have to eat them. Especially in the last month of the program, I found it easier to make healthy choices. Instead of craving sugar and junk food more as I went along, I wanted it LESS. And when I did treat myself, it was disappointing at best. It’s miraculous really. The body craves real, healthy food and rewards you when you eat it.

Bottom line is that eating healthy is actually a blessing, a gift rather than a punishment. My transformation is mostly mental in the way I see food. I understood the ideas of healthy eating before, but this experience has changed me. Healthy habits refined. Momentum built. Confidence growing.

I firmly believe that when you conquer your mind with discipline and a lifestyle of healthy habits, the benefits can reach into other areas of your life to make you a better spouse, friend, parent, worker, etc. Do you want to be a better person? Gain confidence? Get in the best shape of your life? All at the same time? Maybe it’s time for you to go “all in” on a complete fitness and nutrition program.

Fortitude

Change Is Messy

March 28, 2018June 3, 2020 teamquadzilla

WATCH THE VIDEO

I know what’s happening right now. You do, too.

We’re already 3 months into the year and the dreams and promises (aka “Resolutions”) we made to ourselves are all but forgotten in our rear view mirror. We become discouraged because it’s really hard to change. Life happens. Circumstances are out of our control. It stinks, but many of us are just done. We’ve given up.

Listen, whatever habit you want to change or behavior you want to adopt, we’ve got to remember that change is messy. We’re going to fall down, scrape our knee, get dirty, fail. It’s always up to us what we will do about the messiness of change. Regardless of life circumstances or the obstacles in the way, WE must DECIDE:

-to take a long term view of things

-to get back up when we fall

-to NEVER quit

-to embrace the mess

-to own our choices and mistakes

So if you’re falling off those 6 a.m. workouts or slipping up on that hour a day you wanted to set aside for working on your dream/ goal/ promise, guess what?

WATCH THE VIDEO